


Broken

by uran00b121299



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, Future Fic, Human Experimentation, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Prostitution, Rape, Sexual Slavery, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Terrorism, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-14 14:40:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15390966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uran00b121299/pseuds/uran00b121299
Summary: After a terrorist attack, NCT witnesses the world fall apart around them. Can they stop themselves from falling apart alongside it? Or will they forever be broken?





	1. Johnny

**Author's Note:**

> This will be incredibly explicit and disturbing. Don't read unless you are prepared for anything. The timeline will be all over the place and the plot will be really fragmented. It's meant to be less about the plot and more about NCT's responses to trauma and how it affects their relationships with each other. Chapter lengths will be really inconsistent, but generally pretty short. Also, my writing style can be weird, so don't judge me. Seriously, don't read this unless you can handle anything.

2020 Johnny POV

It was the year 2025. It had been five years since Korea was invaded by a terrorist group that had sprung up out of nowhere. They had seemed to have no real purpose but death and destruction. They had brought all of Korea into deep anarchy and had destroyed the lives of eighteen young boys, and Johnny still vividly remembered the beginning of it all.

It was a normal day, and NCT 127 were practicing their new song, while the rest of NCT were scattered around the building doing whatever happened to be on their schedules. In the middle of the song, the boys were stopped abruptly by the sound of gunshots and screams coming from one of the lower floors. At first, the other boys looked at each other with fear and confusion, but the only thing that Johnny could think about was Ten learning tap just one floor below. Was he okay? While everyone was still frozen with shock, Johnny ran out and down the stairs. Please, please, PLEASE! Ten was Johnny’s entire world, and his safety seemed to be the only thing that mattered. Johnny burst into the practice room to see Ten in shock. Before either could react, they heard the thunder of footsteps coming up the stairs. Johnny grabbed Ten and pushed them both into a closet. 

“IS ANYONE IN HERE!?” they heard a man yell from the door. The man took several random shots into the room. Johnny was panicking, but Ten was still the first thing on his mind, so he slammed a hand over his mouth and desperately tried to calm him. The invader seemed to think there wasn’t anyone in the room, so he moved on. Johnny felt brief relief before looking down at Ten. The fear in his eyes was painful to see, but Johnny could only remind him to stay quiet.

Seconds later, Johnny heard gunshots and the boys screaming upstairs. Was he stupid? Why didn’t he think about them? Sure, Ten’s life was in danger but shouldn’t he have done something to help the others? Guilt was starting to crush his chest when the gunshots stopped, and he heard crying and screaming coming down the stairs. Are the boys alive? What’s happening?

“STOP, YOU CAN’T TAKE THEM!” Was that Taeyong? Another gunshot. 

“AAAAAAHHHHHHH!” He could hear Chenle and a few others crying. Taeyong’s dead?

Below him, Ten had made the same realization and burst into silent tears, but Johnny was frozen with shock. This can’t be reality. Why would someone want to attack SM? It’s ridiculous. Of course, no one would do that. This is a dream. He was going to wake up any second. As the boys were being dragged off, Johnny couldn’t do anything except desperately hope that this was all a terrible nightmare.

Some time passed. Johnny had no clue how much. Minutes? Hours? Days? Years? Everything had gone silent except for Ten’s quiet sobbing, and Johnny still hadn’t awoken from his dream. He was forced to accept this new reality. Johnny slowly pushed the door open and pulled Ten out. Ten immediately threw up on the floor. Johnny wanted to comfort him, but he was still numb, and he needed to see if anyone else was alive, so he sat Ten on the couch and carefully exited.

Right outside the door, he saw Taeyong lying on the floor with blood seeping through his shirt. Johnny felt sick. Wasn’t this all his fault? Why couldn’t he think before acting? He could’ve told the boys to hide. Johnny tore his eyes away from the gruesome sight and continued up the stairs and into the practice room. When he entered, he saw nameless staff members scattered across the floor. Winwin was sobbing in the corner, and Yuta was silently sitting beside him, looking off into space. Johnny’s heart dropped. Where were the others? Were they dead?

“Did the others not make it?” Johnny whispered. Yuta looked up with shock, then relief, and then sadness. 

“They were taken, and I think Taeyong was shot.” Yuta pauses and lets out a sob. “I haven’t seen Ten, Jungwoo, or Lucas though.” At that, Lucas walked in with Jungwoo limp in his arms. Jungwoo’s dead too?

“He fainted when he heard gunshots. He’s fine” Lucas’ voice was toneless, and his eyes looked empty. It scared Johnny how quickly Yuta and Lucas had seemed to accept their new reality.

“Ten’s downstairs. He’s… freaking out, but he’s fine.” Fine.That’s a joke. Johnny didn’t know what else to say, so he left the room and checked the rest of the building. The six of them seemed to be the only ones not killed or taken. He prayed that the others were okay. If only he had used his brain. He still had no idea why someone would do this. Even if they were terrorists, why would they come to SM?

The boys had all gathered. Jungwoo had woken up, but Johnny wasn’t paying attention to them as he was starting to have questions. Why aren’t the cops here? Surely, someone outside would’ve noticed what was going on, so why aren’t there any first responders? Was this bigger than they thought? He left the room silently to see what was happening outside. 

When he reached the exit, he could already see bodies lying on the street. He stepped outside, and his jaw dropped. The entire city was in ruins. Buildings were burnt down, and there only seemed to be corpses in the street. Johnny couldn’t believe his eyes. These people, whoever they were, seemed to be on rampage through all of Seoul and possibly beyond. Panic came to Johnny once more. 

How were they going to survive this? 

The six boys eventually left the SM building to try to find answers. They didn’t know where they were going or what they were doing, but they knew they must stay alive, and hopefully--they prayed every night with doubt in their hearts--find the other boys alive and well.

A lot happened in those five years. They found out that the people were a very large terrorist group from America who enslaved and experimented on only select young boys. They found out it truly did span the entire country, and Korea’s population was now quite bleak. They found out the government was destroyed first, so anarchy fell almost immediately. They found out that no other countries seemed to want to intervene--no one knew why. 

Over the years, they found ways to live on and even found a few members, but everyone was different. Everyone was completely broken.


	2. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten struggles with anger and hatred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty tame. There's some sexual content and violence but barely.

2025 Ten POV

It was the middle of the night, and Ten was awake. He didn’t know what time it was, but he knew that he had been lying there for hours. All was quiet except for the sound of Johnny’s slow breaths next to him. Ten turned his body and gently draped his arm over him. Boy, did he love him. Ten was sure at this point that Johnny was the only thing keeping him alive. With they way they lived? Of course he had considered suicide. He hated their lives so much. He hated the terrorists and being hungry and missing the rest of the boys that he was sure were dead. He hated being afraid all the time and making sacrifices just to stay alive. He hated everything, and it pissed him off. For awhile now, Ten’s anger and hatred had begun to take control. He knew that he was getting too violent, but he, frankly, no longer gave a fuck about anything… except Johnny. No one mattered like Johnny. Ten finally drifted to sleep thinking of the happiness he used to have.

The next morning, Johnny was trying to gather the boys to make plans to raid another brothel in hopes of finding the younger boys, but Ten couldn’t pay attention. He had always loved Johnny for his determination and for caring so much, but it saddened him to see wasted energy on such pointless hopes. 

“We’ll do this tomorrow. Everyone be ready.” Johnny’s end to their meeting brought Ten out of his thoughts. He had no clue what was going on, but it was always the same in the end anyway--a disappointment. He needed to get this off his mind. He walked over to Johnny.

“Hey, Johnny” he whispered in Johnny’s ear with a mischievous smile , “I need to talk to you… privately.” Johnny turned and smiled knowingly. So beautiful...

“Okay everyone, we’re done for today.” No one was listening, so the two of them slipped off.

When they got back to their little room, Johnny had already pushed Ten against the wall. Ten desperately pushed his lips against Johnny’s and quickly slipped in his tongue. Johnny was the only one who could make him feel anything but anger. Soon, Johnny’s hands went under Ten’s shirt and pulled it off. His mouth moved from Ten’s mouth to his neck and then his chest. How could anyone love another as much as this? Suddenly, Ten froze. 

“Hey Johnny, whuuuhhhh…” Jaemin had walked in. Johnny backed away from Ten. Ten’s happiness quickly turned to anger.

“Hey Jaemin, what did y-”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUGUAGUAUGUHHH” Ten screamed and lunged for Jaemin’s neck. Ten was so angry that Jaemin had interrupted his happiness, so angry that he ruined his moment with Johnny. All he could think was kill. Kill. KILL! They both fell to the ground, and Johnny was left in shock.

When Jaemin started to turn purple, Johnny came to his senses and pulled Ten off. 

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME! IMMA KILL THIS ANNOYING BITCH!” Ten was blinded by anger.  
Jaemin stood up, coughing and quickly walked away while the others had come in to see what was happening. 

“Calm down, Ten. It wasn’t his fault.” Johnny tried to calm him.

“IT’S NEVER ANYONE’S FAULT, IS IT? BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT? LIFE STILL REALLY FUCKING SUCKS! I LIVE DAY AFTER DAY IN THIS HELL, WHILE ALL OF YOU PRETEND THAT EVERYTHING’S ALL GOOD!”

“No one likes living in these conditions, and you know that.” 

“OH, WOULD YOU SHUT UP!” Ten let out a laugh that almost seemed like a sob, “YOU ALWAYS WALK AROUND WITH THESE FALSE HOPES, TRYING TO POISON EVERYONE, SO THEY CAN WAtch everything they lov-” Ten breaks into tears and falls onto Johnny. Ten’s anger was replaced with a sudden unbearable sadness, but the hatred remained. It wasn’t going anywhere.

“I love you so much” Ten whispered into Johnny’s chest.

“I love you, too” Johnny whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case I didn't get it across well enough, Ten's sexual behavior is meant to seem out of place. He was using sex as a really terrible coping mechanism, and Johnny is kind of oblivious. Wanted to clear that up just in case. I might do this a lot btw. I have a chronic fear of misunderstanding, so I'll try to clear things up whenever needed.


	3. Kun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kun has a rude awakening and is forced to make a tough decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some non-consensual stuff, but nothing gets too explicit.

2020 Kun POV

The SM building had just been raided, and Kun sat in a van with a bag over his head. Kun had no clue where they were going, but his mind was on the members. He was sure that he heard Chenle crying next to him, but were the others alive? 

The van came to an abrupt stop, and Kun was flung against the wall. A man grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet. He heard screaming as he was being dragged along. Donghyuck? Jaehyun? Suddenly, he was stopped, and the bag was pulled off of his head. Mark, Chenle, Renjun, Jisung, Jaemin, Jeno, Donghyuck, Jaehyun, Doyoung, Taeil, and himself all stood in a line with men holding guns completely surrounding them. Kun looked around and saw that they were now in a large bright room.

“LISTEN UP!” One of the men yelled, “In a moment, you will all be cleaned, assessed, and then assigned or sold. Wherever you end up, you WILL do what you’re told or face punishment. You will forget your old lives and become completely obedient. IS THIS UNDERSTOOD?” The boys blinked in confusion, and the man got angry.

“IS THIS UNDERSTOOD?”

“YES” the boys tentatively yelled out

“Good. Take them.” The man indicated for them to be taken, and the men around them grabbed them and pulled them down a hall into a room with a large bath. Are they in a bath house? New men in white started to strip them. Some of the boys screamed, and some cried, but Kun did what he was told. Shouldn’t they all obey? Weren’t they risking “punishment”? He had no clue what this punishment might be, but he was certainly afraid of their guns. 

“AAAAHHHHH!” Jaemin had screamed. Kun, startled, looked over and saw Jeno unconscious on the floor. He still seemed to be alive, but there was blood seeping out of a head wound. That answered Kun’s question. After that, the boys quieted down and let themselves be washed.

When they were done bathing, they were dressed in simple white clothing and lined up again in a room with people who all wore lab coats. One woman stood in front of them with dead eyes.

“In the next few hours, you will be tested mentally and physically to determine your worth and assignment. Do as you’re told, and you will not be punished.” The women’s voice was dull, as if she was bored. Who are these monsters? Why is this happening to us? Once again, Kun was obedient. He let himself be escorted into his own individual room. 

In the room, he was told to undress again. The woman in the room examined his body, poking and prodding at times and then writing on her clipboard. The next few hours, Kun went through a series of physical tests: vision, hearing, coordination, stamina, strength. And then, mental tests: memory, puzzles, math, language, problem solving. The entire time the woman only said a few words to direct him. Kun felt embarrassed and lost. Was this how the rest of his life would be?

After countless tests, all of the boys were lined up again, and the woman from before was back at the front.

“You will now be given your assignments and directed out.” This was it. Kun was about to find out where he’d spend the rest of his life. The woman proceeded to give out assignments:

“Mark, buyer#K73. Chenle, lab#5. Renjun brothel#194. Kun lab#5.” The same lab as Chenle? Was this a good thing? Were they going to be experimented on? “Jisung, lab#13. Jaemin, buyer#R5. Donghyuck, buyer#K73. Jeno, buyer#R5. Jaehyun, brothel#475. Doyoung, lab#9. Taeil, lab#2.5.” The woman finished the assignments, and the boys were all pulled in different directions, but Kun and Chenle were left as the room cleared out. Other than themselves, the woman was the only person remaining.

“Hello. My name is Dr. Kim Jiwon.” Her voice was softer now, but for some reason, it scared Kun even more. “You’ll both be working with me in lab#5, but your roles will be entirely different, so you will be addressed separately.” With that, Chenle was taken into a room with a one sided window. 

“For right now, you’re only job is to watch Chenle’s experiments and answer some questions afterwards.” Kun was confused. This was it? What were Chenle’s experiments? Kun turned to see that Chenle had been stripped down, and his arms had been chained above his head. The masked man started to touch him. Chenle screamed and jerked away, but the man held him still. Kun was disgusted and angry. Chenle was only 18! 

“AAAAHHHH!” Kun took a swing at the Dr. Kim, but before he could make contact, everything went black.

When Kun awoke, he was chained to a bed, and Dr. Kim was staring at him.

“Are you ready to do what you’re told?” Kun was disgusted. How could she be so indifferent?

“No, this is disgusting.”

“If you are not going to cooperate, we will be forced to drop this experiment, and both of you will be killed.”

“Maybe death’s the better option” Kun snarled. Even if he believed this, was it right to make this decision for Chenle? The woman sighed in exasperation.

“I’ll make you a non-negotiable deal. If you make it through the experiments, without any more incidents, I’ll set the both of you free.” Kun began to consider. Does he really have any other choice?

“How long will the experiments last?”

“It’s difficult to predict, but no longer than five years.” FIVE YEARS? Would either of them even last that long? The woman seemed to read Kun’s mind.

“I can guarantee that you’ll both come out alive.” Still, at what price? 

“Can I talk to Chenle?” Is he okay with this arrangement? His position’s far worse after all.

“The conditions of this experiment don’t allow you to talk to him, so no.” It didn’t matter, Kun had decided. He couldn’t allow Chenle to die, and this deal seemed like it may be their only opportunity for freedom. Kun finally nodded his head in agreement. Dr. Kim unchained him and lead him back to the room Chenle was in. Chenle now had a gag in his mouth.

“You may proceed.” The man started to touch Chenle again, and Chenle started to squirm, but it was as if he had given up. Kun felt guilty. Five years of this? Afterwards, Dr. Kim asked him questions about how he felt. What? Why was she asking this? What was he supposed to say? That he was pissed and disgusted?

The experiments were held everyday, and Kun watched with guilt as Chenle slowly gave up. After a few weeks, Dr. Kim planned to introduce something new. Before proceeding with the daily experiment, Chenle was injected with some sort of drug and shown a video that seemed like it was meant to be ‘happy’. Kun was as confused as ever, but Chenle seemed to respond differently. Was he less afraid?

That night, when Kun went to bed, he had a new fear that he had never considered before: Sure, they might come out of this alive, but how much would they change? Would they leave as different people? As forever broken?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the "touching" part, it is supposed to be implied as sexual, but I kept it non-explicit because the idea itself is disturbing enough to serve its purpose. I'm also aware that there doesn't seem to be a purpose to the experiment, but I'm hoping the next chapter will clear things up a bit more. THERE WILL BE NO SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN KUN AND CHENLE.


	4. Chenle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chenle has changed in ways that no one expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some non-explicit sexual stuff

2022 Chenle POV

Chenle was in the lab again, about to do the same experiment he had been doing for two years now. Minhyun brought in the drugs, and Chenle felt his heart race. When they first started using the drugs, they only made Chenle dizzy and confused, but now, he LOVED the high and pleasure they brought. In fact, Chenle had begun to crave their daily sessions. He always felt lonely in his room, so using the drugs and being touched by Minhyun always seemed to feel good. Sure, he was aware that he was being experimented on, but it felt good, and Minhyun was usually nice, so who’s to complain? 

Minhyun proceeded with the experiment, and Chenle, once again, lost himself in the pleasure. Why did he ever resist this? It was extraordinary. Chenle couldn’t believe how lucky he was.

One Week Later

Today was different. No one had come to see him in his room, and he was starting to panic. Did they leave him? Was he all alone? Chenle was about to cry when Dr. Kim walked in. Thank Goodness.

“Chenle, I have good news for you.” Chenle was confused. “Your experiments are over, and we will be letting you go.” Chenle felt completely panicked. They were leaving him? Chenle saw someone walk in behind Dr. Kim. Minhyun? His eyes widened.

“Kun-ge?” What was he doing here? Had he been here the entire time? Why did he look so sad?

“Kun’s experiments have ended as well. He’ll be leaving with you.” Chenle was still shocked and wasn’t sure how he felt about freedom. He nodded. He took some time to gather their things, and they were quickly ushered out. It seems they really didn’t want him anymore. At least, he had Kun.

When they left the building, they saw the city in shambles. The terrorists had done all of this? Kun and Chenle looked at each other. They had no clue where to go. Were the others even alive? They started walking silently in no particular direction and didn’t stop until sundown. While Kun was lighting a fire, Chenle sat with his head between his knees. He had already begun to feel lonely, and something inside of him seemed to have finally snapped. He burst into tears. Kun looked up in confusion.

“Uh… are you okay?” Kun was hesitant. He hadn’t talked to Chenle in years.

“I miss Minhyun and Dr. Kim and the drugs… and… and…" Chenle stopped. Kun would think he was crazy. “I miss being touched” Chenle whispered. 

“You know, everything they did was for the sake of experimentation. They wanted you to feel like this. The whole purpose of that experiment was to see if they could completely rewire your brain. They never cared about you.” Kun knew he was being blunt, but Chenle needed it.

“I know I was nothing more than a lab rat, but I felt so alone and confused, so…" How honest was Chenle going to be? “I just wanted to believe that someone loved me.” There was a long silence.

“Chenle… I love you.” Chenle looked up, surprised.

“Can I sleep with you?” Kun nodded, and Chenle went over and snuggled into Kun’s chest. It made him feel better. Could Kun save him? Chenle hoped so, but he knew that even the strongest of glue couldn’t remove the cracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said before, their relationship IS NOT SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC. I intended to make Kun a sort of motherly figure for Chenle to get over his obsession of sexual touch without fearing touch altogether.


	5. Jaehyun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun has explosive anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the first chapter that is explicitly sexual. It also features more violence.

2020 Jaehyun POV

It had only been a couple months in the brothel that Jaehyun had been assigned to, but he was sick and tired of being used. At that moment, he was being fucked by a large, hairy man. His face scrunched up in disgust each time the man groaned and thrust inside of him. He had become numb to the pain, but it angered him to be degraded in this way. Before he was taken, he had been at the peak of his career, and now, he was being drooled on by disgusting old men who had nothing to their names. Each time he was he was fucked, his anger grew… but it fueled him. He had a plan, and he was ready to destroy everything in his path. 

“Uhh” The man came and fell on top of him. Disgusting. Jaehyun pushed the man off and left. All that these men cared about was a quick fuck. As Jaehyun was leaving the room, another prostitute, Kiheon, waved at him. The other prostitutes in here angered him as well. They had given up years ago and believed it was better to “make the best of the situation”. Idiots. Jaehyun smiled and waved back. It was true that Jaehyun hated him, but he owed him. Kiheon had a patron who would buy him whatever he wanted, and Jaehyun had recently begged him to get a chemistry book. When he first asked, Kiheon had been suspicious--he was a rule follower--but Jaehyun convinced him that he used to be a chemist and just wanted to brush up with some light reading. Idiot. In reality, Jaehyun had a plan to blow up the brothel.

When he got back to the changing room, Jaehyun quickly changed into some tight gold shorts and went back to the main lounge room. Jaehyun had been planning for a while, but there was still one essential point missing from his plan. Someone needed to take him home, so he could get the ingredients he needed. 

He scanned the room and found the man he was looking for. Jaehyun had been watching a younger man for a week now, and he knew he had found his target. The young ones were always arrogant and gullible. Jaehyun knew that this man had never done anything but watch, so he planned to be his first. After quickly adjusting his hair and makeup, Jaehyun strutted out onto the stage, looking the man straight in the eye. When Jaehyun started dancing, the man sat up, clearly interested. Jaehyun knew he was hot, and he knew he was a good dancer. 

After a few minutes, when he was sure the man was locked on him, he walked down to him and whispered in his ear. 

“Would you like a dance?” The man grinned.

“Only from you, babe.” Disgusting. Jaehyun climbed on top of him so he was facing away and slowly began to grind on his crotch. The man lightly ran his hands up and down his back, and Jaehyun could feel his dick, hard against his ass. This was a good thing. Things were going exactly as planned. The man started to push his hands into the front of his shorts, but Jaehyun needed to play hard-to-get, so he pulled away and winked. 

“Come again sometime.” He knew the man would be desperate to come back. His plan would proceed tomorrow.

Jaehyun endured the next day. He was ready to end this. He felt nothing for the the other prostitutes. They would go with everyone else, and they deserved it.

That night, when the brothel opened, Jaehyun saw that the man was already seated in a corner. He was right. He knew the man wanted to see him. He made him wait for twenty minutes before walking out in an especially nice black thong. He had even spent extra time on his makeup. It was obvious that the man was dumbstruck. 

“Did you come back for more?” Jaehyun asked in a sultry voice.

“I’m pretty sure you came back for me.” The man’s arrogance was annoying and boring, but Jaehyun needed to play nice.

“Mmmm, you got me. I’ve never met anyone like you.” The most generic line in the book, but it worked. The man was pleased. 

“Why don’t you come home with me?”

“You know I’d love that.”

About 20 minutes later, they were in his room. He pushed Jaehyun onto the bed and initiated a very sloppy kiss. Jaehyun couldn’t see any weapons in the room, so he would have to wait and go along for now. The man had quickly stripped Jaehyun down completely and was beginning to suck at his inner thigh. Jaehyun fake moaned. After moving his way up and down Jaehyun’s body, the man desperately pulled off his own clothes. He ran to his drawer and pulled out lube. He wasted no time lubing up his dick and sticking it in. Jaehyun gasped for real this time.

“God, you’re so tight!” The man was thrusting in and out faster than Jaehyun had ever seen. Suddenly, He slowed and reached down to begin jerking off Jaehyun. He whimpered. He knew the man would love to see the power that he had over him. It went on like this for a few minutes before Jaehyun allowed himself to orgasm right before the man did. He came all over his chest, and the man seemed to like it. He leaned down and licked the cum off of Jaehyun’s chest before initiating another sloppy kiss. Disgusting. Jaehyun hated the taste of himself.

Eventually, the man climbed off and went to take a shower. Jaehyun knew this was the time. He climbed out of the bed, still naked, and went to find the kitchen. It didn’t take long, and Jaehyun quickly picked the sharpest knife. He went back to the room and heard the man still in the shower. He attempted to quietly open the door, but he heard him. 

“You came back for more?” He pulled Jaehyun in for a kiss just as he saw the hand behind Jaehyun’s back. Before he could react, Jaehyun stabbed him in the throat, and he sunk to the floor. Jaehyun’s hands were covered in blood, but he loved it, reveled in it. He had finally enacted his plan. All he needed to do was make the bombs. Jaehyun made his way around the house and quickly put together multiple small bombs. He made his way back to the brothel.

When he walked in, no one seemed to notice, so he easily scattered the bombs and lit the fuses. He took one last look around--disgusting--and walked out. 

About fifty feet away, Jaehyun stopped to watch the explosions. He laughed. He had never felt such happiness in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this gave off a sociopath vibe...


	6. Winwin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winwin sees something he never wants to see again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite violent and on the sad side. No sexual content.

2021 Winwin POV

It was the one year anniversary since the beginning of the terrorist attacks, and the boys were beginning to lose themselves. Each day, Winwin was becoming more and more afraid of how they were changing. Since ‘the incident’, Ten had had a temper, but lately, his meltdowns were becoming violent, and only Johnny could control him. Jaehyun, who they had found literally walking aimlessly a few months ago, no longer seemed to care about anything or anyone. He never really talked to any of them, and it almost seemed as though he was simply using them for survival. On another hand, Jungwoo always seemed weirdly energetic, and Lucas, who always seemed to be exhausted, pitifully tried to keep up. Yuta, meanwhile, had always been protective of Winwin, but as of late, he had begun to cross the line between protective and possessive. He never left Winwin’s side, and he seemed to have become wary of everything. Winwin was grateful for his concern, but it bothered him to see Yuta constantly stressed out because of him. Wouldn’t he be happier if he stopped worrying about Winwin so much?

Today in particular, Yuta seemed to be very jumpy. What was up with him? Did he think there was someone nearby? Yuta came up and whispered in his ear.

“Did you hear that? I’m pretty sure there are people out here.” They were in a small abandoned suburb. Winwin doubted that anyone was out there, but he didn’t have the heart to tell Yuta, so he turned to Johnny.

“I think there might be someone out here. Do you think we should check?” Johnny looked at him with understanding. Johnny was well aware of how Yuta had become.

“Everyone, I think we should stop for the night. This area could be potentially dangerous, so we’re going to have Yuta scout it out, and then we’ll be ready to move by morning. Yuta quickly ran off. Winwin desperately hoped this would satisfy his obsession. 

Half an hour later, Yuta hadn’t returned, and all of the boys except for Winwin had drifted off. Winwin had begun to worry. He knew that Yuta was completely capable, but usually he didn’t take this long. Was there really someone out there? At that moment, Winwin heard a crunch. He looked up and saw that somehow, in the time that he had gotten lost in his own head, their entire camp had been surrounded by men who were all nearly naked. Winwin started to scream, but the men had quickly come up behind him and gagged him. As they tied him up, he watched the other boys being woken up in confusion and quickly falling to the same fate. Where was Yuta though? Had he seen them and then gotten killed? Winwin implored the gods: ‘please let Yuta be alive, please let him get away safely’. One of the men had started to talk in a foreign language. The man made some hand gestures and pointed to the boys numerous times, but all that Winwin could make out was that they seemed to be arguing.

Eventually, their talking slowed. Had they come to an agreement? What were they going to do to them? The man who was seemingly in charge walked over to Winwin.

“ECIFIRCAS!!!” Another man came out of the circle and poured gasoline onto their fire to make it grow five times in size. The first man began to pull Winwin towards it. All of the men were starting to yell.

“ECIFIRCAS! ECIFIRCAS! ECIFIRCAS! ECIFIRCAS!” Winwin finally understood. Were they seriously going to burn him to death? Who the hell are these people? Before Winwin could do anyhing else, the man slashed his wrists and threw him into the fire. Winwin was blinded with pain as he could feel himself involuntarily screaming. 

“ECIFIRCAS! ECIFIRCAS! ECIFIRCAS! ECIFIRCAS!” He could hear the men squealing with joy. He used what little strength he had left to attempt to pull himself out of the fire, but each time he did so, someone was there to push him back in. He quickly lost energy, so he simply let himself lie on the fire, knowing death was near. His mind drifted to Yuta. He hoped that Yuta was able to escape this, that somehow, he would save the other boys and they could live on happily without him. He knew that, if Yuta was alive, he would be devastated, but Winwin simply wanted him to be happy, to not have to worry about him anymore… 

In his last few moments, he thought he heard Yuta’s scream. He thought he saw Yuta running through the men, killing those in his path. He thought he saw Yuta kneel down in defeat, tears running down his face. He thought he saw Yuta’s lips move, as though speaking to him.

I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Yuta and Winwin aren't actually supposed to be in a confirmed relationship, but obviously they love each other. Sorry that it ended so tragically. Did you see what I did with the "ECIFIRCAS"?


	7. Mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark is lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexually explicit. Rape. Violence. Some weird shit. Get ready, y'all.

2020 Mark POV

Mark and Donghyuck were in a nice car, heading towards the home of their new ‘owner’. They were both tied up in the back seat. When Mark had first heard that he was being sold to some anonymous person, he had panicked. What were they going to do with him? Was he going to be a slave? When he had heard that Donghyuck’s buyer was the same as his own, a wave of relief passed over him. With Donghyuck, he knew that, even if they became slaves, he wouldn’t be alone. He knew that Donghyuck’s presence would be able to comfort him in a way no one else’s could. Donghyuck had always been his best friend, and he had come to rely on him more than any of the other boys. He had found that he couldn’t spend more than twenty minutes away from him. He wasn’t sure he’d have been able to live without him.

After a drive that had seemingly taken hours, they finally pulled up to a large house. The entire city was a wreck, and this dude was still living in luxury? Mark was disgusted. A man in a formal suit opened the door and led them into the house. Once they entered, they saw a man of about fifty in a bathrobe, waiting for them. He started to walk around them, sizing them up. 

“The reports weren’t exaggerated. Both of you are very pretty.” He lifted up their clothes. “You could use some work, but we can deal with that.” He paused and stared at them for a few seconds. “The taller one will be called Angel and, the one with the pretty lips will be called Kitten. That’s all. Get them cleaned and dressed.” For the the third time that day, Mark and Donghyuck were forced to strip down, and for the second time that day, washed.

After a solid half an hour, both of them were left naked on two beds. What the hell is going on? In the next moment, women came came in and immediately started spread hot goo onto their legs. What? After the goo dried, the woman ripped it off. Mark felt like screaming as he felt the hair being ripped out of its follicles. Both of the boys endured as the women slowly made their way around their entire bodies. Just when Mark thought they were finished, the woman told him to raise his legs. HIS PUBES AS WELL? Mark cried out in pain as the woman finished up completely waxing him. 

After that, they received a haircut, a face of subtle makeup, and the biggest surprise yet. They had been given pastel lace undergarments along with matching dresses, Mark’s in blue and Donghyuck’s in pink. Was this guy one of those pervs that Mark had heard about? Either way, he had no choice. He greatly feared punishment for himself and Donghyuck. They changed into their clothes and were finally taken into a room to see their buyer. The only things Mark could see in the room were a king-sized bed and a wall of sex toys. Sex slaves? Mark never could have predicted this. Were they really going to live the rest of their lives out as toys?

“You two clean up well.” The man’s voice dripped with attempted seductiveness. “From now on you’ll be calling me Daddy. You will do everything I ask of you without hesitation. If you fail to do so Jim will punish you accordingly.” A man stood in the corner with a gun at his waist. No opportunity for escape. The man clapped. The lights went down, and music started to play.

“Angel, sweetie, could you show me a little dance?” Mark stepped out awkwardly and started dancing in the only way he knew how. The man seem dissatisfied. “Not like that, sweetie. More sensual, more feminine.” Sensual and feminine? Mark started to dance like some of the girl groups he used to watch. The man was impressed by the immediate improvement. He was starting to get a hard on that could be seen through his robe.

“Kitten, would you mind helping me out?” Mark saw Donghyuck’s eyes widen. The man didn't like to wait. “Kitten, jerk me off.” Mark watched painfully as Donghyuck reached his hand into the man’s robe and began to move his hand up and down. It angered him to see Donghyuck being used like this, but he kept dancing. It went on like this for a few minutes. The man was moaning loudly, but the boys continued on uncomfortably. 

“Kitten, I want you to dance with Angel.” Donghyuck hesitated again. “GO!” Donghyuck got up as the man took his dick into his own hand. Donghyuck started to dance alongside Mark. “NO! You need to dance together, touch each other.” Mark blushed and turned to Donghyuck. They started to dance much more closely, and Mark put his hands on Donghyuck’s waist. The man moaned and continued to jerk off. 

“Kiss.” Mark almost froze but knew he couldn’t stop. They brought their lips together and shared a chaste kiss. “With tongue, you idiots!” Mark parted his lips and let his tongue slip out. He had never touched anyone like this, much less his best friend. Why was this happening to them? Mark felt something hard against his crotch. Was Donghyuck hard? Of course he wasn’t. There was no way he could be turned on right now.

“Remove Kitten’s dress.” They stopped dancing as Mark moved to Donghyuck’s back to undo his zipper. How far was this going to go? Mark slipped the dress off, and his eyes widened. Donghyuck DID have a hard on, and it was bulging through his panties. Why? The man saw this and laughed.

“It looks like someone is starting to feel comfortable. Come here, Kitten.” Donghyuck blushed and slowly walked over. The man pulled him down and began to kiss his chest and neck. “Let’s get you out of your panties.” He pulled off Donghyuck’s undergarments, and Mark had to look away. “Jim, get the lube.” Jim brought over a bottle. Oh my god. No. Mark was about to see his best friend raped, right in front of his eyes. Mark stood still, seething. The man lubed up his fingers and had Donghyuck kneel on the bed. Mark could see at this angle that Donghyuck no longer had a hard on. Was the one from earlier just an adrenaline thing? Mark couldn’t figure out what had happened. The man stuck a finger into Donghyuck, and both boys flinched. 

“You like that, Kitten?” The man added two more fingers faster than he should have and Donghyuck whimpered. Mark could see the pain on his face, but the man continued. He kneeled behind him and stuck his dick in. Mark couldn’t take any more of this. He moved forward to push the man off, but Jim had appeared behind him suddenly and hit him with a blunt force. Mark fell to the ground, and he heard Donghyuck yell out. The man turned to look at him.

“Someone’s being disobedient.” He stopped and thought for a few seconds. “I’ll have you punished after this. Right now, I want you to watch.” Mark yelled as Jim held him down and forced him to watch as the man reentered Donghyuck. The man went nice and slow, watching Mark’s reaction instead of Donghyuck. Donghyuck simply sat paralyzed until the man came. He pulled out and put his robe back on. 

“Bring them both.” Jim grabbed them, and they followed the man down countless flights of stairs. They finally came to a dungeon-like area. Jim proceeded to chain Mark to a pole, while the man stood a few feet away, holding Donghyuck at the hip.

“This is the first and the last day that you will disobey me.” Jim held up his whip and brought it down onto Mark’s back. Mark yelled, and Donghyuck tried to look away, but the man held his face in place. After twenty lashes, Mark had nearly passed out. 

“That’ll be good enough. Get him cleaned up and show him back to his room.” With that, he walked out with Donghyuck. Mark was in agony. He had never imagined that the man would take it this far. It seemed that his only choice was to submit. He didn’t think he’d be able to take another whipping, but he also wasn’t sure if he could stand seeing Donghyuck raped again. Jim unchained him and brought him to a small infirmary. The nurse there fixed him up like she had done it a thousand times before. Had she done this a thousand times before? Had there been boys before them? Had they been too disobedient?

Afterwards, Jim brought him to his room--a small cage/cell that he could barely stand up straight in and only had a single twin-sized bed. Donghyuck was there. When Mark came in, Donghyuck looked up with red eyes. It seemed as though he had been crying. He ran to him.

“Oh my god, Mark. Are you okay? I thought he was going to kill you.” Mark couldn’t believe him. He had just gotten RAPED. Why was he so worried about him?

“Me? What about you? Are you okay?” Suddenly, both stopped and fell silent. Simultaneously, they burst into tears and fell into each other's arms.

“Mark, I don’t think I can take it. How can we live like this?” Donghyuck whispered into Mark’s shoulder.

“I don’t know. I think we just have to do what we’re told and try to make the best out of it. I mean, at least we have each other, right?” Donghyuck didn’t respond but began to cry harder.

After the boys had been too tired to cry anymore, they crawled into the bed and cuddled up next to each other, both needing the comforting touch of the other. 

“Mark, you know how I had… uh… a boner today?” Donghyuck looked just as uncomfortable as Mark felt. Mark had forgotten about that, and he didn’t want to invade Donghyuck’s privacy, but he was curious. 

“I mean… uh… I wasn’t looking, but… uh… I did happen to see it.”

“Well, I just wanted you to know that it wasn’t because of that man… It was because of… you?”  
Mark was startled. What had he done? “It’s just… I’ve liked for years now, like more than friends, but I never wanted to tell you because I knew you were straight, and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. When we started kissing today, I got excited and… you know. I hate that this is the way that you had to find out, but I just felt like if I was going to spend the rest of my life locked up with you like this, I figured it would be best for me to finally let it out. If you feel uncomfortable and don’t want to be near me anymore, I’ll sleep on the floor and stop talking to you, but I just wanted you to know that… I really love you.” Mark was surprised by his sudden outburst. Donghyuck had liked him for years? Donghyuck had always been especially clingy with him, and Mark had always found Donghyuck staring at him, but he had figured that it was just a part of Donghyuck’s quirks. Loved him? Of course he loved Donghyuck, but as more than a friend? Was he sexually attracted to him? He secretly appreciated Donghyuck’s touchiness and did find him attractive, but did that mean he was attracted to him?

“I have always considered you my best friend.” Donghyuck’s face fell. Mark panicked and continued quickly. “But sexually, I always felt confused. I was pretty sure that I was into girls, but at some point, when I imagined being with a girl, it seemed as though I was imagining her to be like you. I tried to deny it by writing “Baby don’t like it”, but even then, you pointed out that it sounded just like our relationship. I still don’t really know how I feel sexually, and how it relates to you, but I want you to know that I love you, too, like, a lot.” Donghyuck looked at him with tears in his eyes again, but this time, he looked hopeful. 

“We’ll figure it all out together.” Their conversation stopped at that, but both seemed to feel better. Would it truly be okay with Donghyuck by his side? They drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made this one longer because I really wanted some Markhyuck development. Did you notice the "try to make the best of it" part? Jaehyun would be disappointed. Also, isn't Jim a funny name?


	8. Donghyuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck's sick of this shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sexual content. Continuation of weird shit. No violence.

2025 Donghyuk POV

It had been five years since Donghyuck and Mark had started working for “Daddy”, and by this time nothing surprised Donghyuck. “Daddy” had put them through almost everything: anal and oral sex, loads of crossdressing, roleplay, strip teases, voyeurism, masturbation, water sports, and seemingly every other kink in the book. Sex with this man had simply become a chore, and it scared him how fine with it he was. Shouldn’t he be losing his mind? He figured that it was partly because of Mark’s presence. After they went through all of that shit on their first day, their relationship had become stronger than ever. Whenever either no longer felt that they wanted to go on, the other was there to give them a purpose: to live for each other. It had gotten rough at times, but at the moment, they were generally satisfied just to be together. Sexually, their relationship had gotten… weird? Donghyuck often had incidents like the first day, but at some point… Mark did too? The first time it happened, Donghyuck had been thrilled. He had thought that Mark had finally felt sexually attracted to him. When Donghyuck confronted him, he had gotten embarrassed and said he was still figuring things out--he said this a lot. Donghyuck was patient with Mark and his sexuality problems--he knew this they weren’t in the best situation to be figuring stuff out--but he felt like Mark didn’t want to like him, like he wouldn’t let himself be attracted to another man. It’s not like he thought Mark was homophobic… did he? Why couldn’t Mark just love him completely?

At that moment, the boys were finishing up another session with “Daddy”. He had finished off with Mark, and the two of them were turning to leave.

“I’m glad you’ve finally warmed up to me, my Angel.” Mark’s cheeks flushed.

“Yes, Daddy, me too.” Donghyuck knew exactly what he was talking about. Mark had gotten another boner today while grinding on Donghyuck. Usually, Donghyuck was happy to see this--he figured Mark’s attraction for him was growing--but this time, Donghyuck was angry. It was the last straw. He couldn’t stand Mark pretending that he wasn't sexually attracted to him when the evidence was literally right in front of both of their faces.

When they got back to the safety of their room, Donghyuck let all of his frustration out at once.

“I AM SO SICK OF YOU PRETENDING THAT YOU’RE NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO ME WHEN YOU GET HARD ON AT THE VERY THOUGHT OF ME ON A DAILY BASIS! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME? ARE YOU HOMOPHOBIC? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT YOU. ARE. GAY.” Mark looked upset but not surprised. 

“I am sexually attracted to you.” Mark said it so quietly that Donghyuck barely heard him.

“Excuse me?!”

“I said I am sexually attracted to you.” Donghyuck raised an eyebrow.

“Suddenly?”

“I guess I’ve known for a really long time now. I don’t know why I couldn’t admit it. Maybe I am homophobic, maybe I just started to associate sex with ‘bad’. Either way, I know that I can’t deny it anymore. I’m reall-” Mark was cut off by Donghyuck softly bringing their lips together. Donghyuck had wanted to kiss him for ages, but he wanted Mark to enjoy it as much as he would. Obviously, they had kissed before, but both had decided that what they did with “Daddy” didn’t count. According to them, they were still virgins, and this was their first kiss.

The boys stood in the middle of their room just kissing for minutes. It was so much softer than any of the ‘kisses’ they had shared before. Their tongues intertwined, and they took their time, wanting to fully enjoy their first kiss. 

“Are you ready for more?” Donghyuck was desperate to have a real experience, to ‘lose his virginity’, but he still didn’t want to push Mark.

“Yes, of course I am ready.” Mark had answered quickly and with confidence. Donghyuck smiled softly and pulled him to their bed. They reconnected their kiss and began to undress. Both wanted to take it slowly, so that’s what they did. 

When they were finished, they lay together on the bed, closer than they had ever been. 

“Donghyuck, we’re going to get out of here. We are going to get out and find all of the others, and we’re going to tell them about our relationship, and we’ll live happily and freely for the rest of our lives.” Donghyuck wanted to cry.

“I love you.”

“I love you… completely”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept Markhyuck's sex non-explicit because I wanted to make it about their emotional closeness and not the sex itself. I also realize that Markhyuck's chill behavior is weird, but I wanted it to seem tragic that they had learned total obedience and no longer thought anything of it. I don't know how well it came across...


	9. Jisung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No violence or sexual content. Just really confusing.

2024 Jisung POV

Jisung woke up to the sound of the voices inside his head.

'Jisung, wake up you stupid bitch!' 

'No, stay in bed. You’re as good as dead anyway. HAHAHHAH'. Jisung had had voices in his head for a while now. But, because all of his memories were fuzzy and incomplete, he couldn’t really remember when the voices had shown up. All that Jisung knew was that he had to follow his daily routine. Why? Jisung couldn’t remember, but he was sure it was a good reason. He sat up and looked at the same list he had been following for months now. 

'Get to work. You’re never this slow. Why are you so useless?' Jisung felt bad, so he quickly got out of bed. The first thing on Jisung’s list was eating breakfast. 

'Why bother eating? You know you deserve to die. Everything about your life is completely meaningless.' Jisung was confused. Of course he had meaning. He was helping the people with their experiments. Why would the voice lie to him? Jisung grabbed his food off the tray that was always there when he woke up and began to eat.

'I told you that you don’t matter, so why are you eating!? In the next moment, the bread he had been eating was thrown across the room. Why would he do that? He was disobeying the list. 

'You’re disobeying!' Jisung punched himself in the stomach. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Jisung began to beg himself to stop. Suddenly, he completely froze… and then continued on as though nothing had happened. He needed to move on to the next item: go to the lab.

When he got to the lab, Dr. Lee greeted him. Jisung quietly greeted back. He had always hated the lab. It was scary and confusing, so he dreaded going in each day. 

'Stop being a little bitch! Be a man and get your ass in there!' 

'Maybe today’ll be the day that it’ll finally kill you. HAHAHHAH.' Jisung would have run away if it hadn’t been for Dr. Lee encouraging him to go in, not really giving him the option to leave. Jisung walked into the white padded cell and heard the door lock behind him. 

'Weady for da beasties wittle Jisungie? HAHHAHAHA.' Jisung was terrified. Nothing was there yet but he knew the monsters would come any second. 

'What did I say about being a little bitch?' Jisung punched himself again. 

'HAHHAHHAHA. Maybe you’ll kill yourself first.' 

'You need fight these monsters, or they’ll get you.' Jisung started to panic. Did he just hear something? He started to flail around in the cell looking for something. He could have sworn that he heard something. Out of the corner if his eye, he saw a large spider coming down from the ceiling. Jisung screamed and threw himself against the wall. 

'Fight it!'

'HAHAHHAHA. Fight it!' Jisung stood up. He had to fight this spider. When the spider was finally low enough, he made an attempt to kick it, but it grabbed his leg. Jisung screamed. The spider pulled him upside down and whispered in his ear. 

'The tiger’s going to eat you.' Jisung screamed. The tiger is coming?! Jisung looked down and saw the tiger sitting with its mouth open. Jisung screamed. 

'It seems you truly are useless. You couldn’t even fight the spider. This is what you deserve.' 

'The day has finally come. HAHHAHHAH.' Jisung burst into tears and covered his face. NO! NO! NO! 

'You WILL DIE!' The spider dropped him, and he fell into the tiger’s mouth. It was all over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is such a mess. Honestly, I don't even know what's going on. I basically just wanted to portray Jisung totally losing his mind, and I felt that making this chapter/his brain a complete mess was the best way to do it. It is also supposed to be implied that Jisung was subject to drug experimentation, similar to Chenle. I'm so sorry it turned out this bad. I promise to make the rest better. He didn't die by the way.


	10. Yuta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuta doesn't want to live on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicidal thoughts and blood. Really sad. No sexual content.

2021 Yuta POV

Yuta wanted to die. It had been a month since Winwin had died, and to Yuta, nothing mattered anymore. He had always loved Winwin, but after the terrorist attack, he didn’t have anything except Winwin. He had known that he had become possessive of him, but he had also known that without Winwin, he’d’ve lost his sanity. Isn’t that what was happening right now? 

After their narrow escape from the cult--all thanks to Yuta’s rampage--the boys had stumbled upon a small suburb town that was trying to put itself back together. The people there happily accepted them into their community, so the boys now had consistent access to food and shelter and, unfortunately for Yuta, alcohol. He had taken up the habit immediately and quickly developed an addiction. He wanted to forget about Winwin, and he no longer gave a fuck about how he had to go about it.

“Yuta, are you drunk?” Yuta had been drinking, and Johnny had just discovered him lying in the middle of an empty road. Yuta had been avoiding the other boys for days. Everything they did reminded him of Winwin. 

“No. Fuck off.” Johnny looked hurt, but he didn’t move. 

“Is this about what happened to Winwin?” Is he stupid? Johnny knew perfectly well how much he cared about Winwin. Why would he ask such a dumb question? “You know, we all feel really sad about what happened, but we can’t be afraid to rely on each other, or we’ll never make it through this.” Yuta was angry. “We all feel really sad”? Is he kidding? Yuta wasn’t just “sad”, he was dying on the inside.

“Are you kidding me? You have know idea what this is like for me. This is not going to be fixed by just a good cry. Don’t you get it? Winwin was BURNED TO DEATH! He’s never coming back.” Yuta had yelled at Johnny, and he took a step back, surprised. He continued anyway.

“Isn’t it better now? That he no longer has to live like this? He’s in a better place.” Yuta almost laughed out loud. Heaven? That’s how they dealt with this? Pushing it under the rug? Lying to themselves? Since Winwin’s death, Yuta had known that there was no God. What type of God would allow the most pure person alive to BURN TO DEATH?!

“Just fuck off.” Johnny recognized that he wasn’t going to get anywhere, so he slowly started to leave and then stopped.

“We’re always here for you.” And he was gone.

As soon as he left, Yuta burst into tears. Yuta couldn’t stand when he cried, so the tears quickly became angry ones. Why does he bother living with the constant pain anyway? Alcohol was going to kill him soon enough, so why not speed it up? He knew that life wasn’t going to get any better. Why not kill himself? Kill himself. Yuta was going to kill himself. He picked himself off the ground and stumbled. Tears were still streaming down his face. He just needed to find a sharp object.  
Yuta stumbled all the way back to the pub. 

“Can I get a beer?” The man barely looked at him as he handed him a beer. See? No one would even notice if he died. Yuta slammed some cash on the counter and walked back out. He needed to find somewhere private. 

He continued down the road until he came to an abandoned alleyway. This was perfect. Yuta smashed the bottle and brought it to his wrist. Why was he hesitating? Wasn’t he ready to die? His mind drifted to the other boys. Johnny had seemed genuinely concerned. “We’re always here for you”? Was it selfish to kill himself? 

NO. This was for him and Winwin. The others didn’t even understand or care. Before Yuta could change his mind, he cut two vertical lines down his wrists. He stared as the blood started to seep out, and collapsed against the wall. This is it. Yuta couldn’t help but think about how Winwin would react to this. He knew Winwin would cry and scream at him and call him stupid for giving up his life because of him. He knew that Winwin was always more concerned about others’ happiness than his own. Yuta cried harder. He was slowly starting to lose consciousness. 

He remembered how Winwin could always make him laugh and how everyone he met couldn’t help but fall in love with him. He remembered how Winwin chose to stay by his side when everything went to shit and how he even put up with him when he started going to shit. Winwin… please wait for me… I’ll see you again soon… 

Yuta took his last breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I killed another member. I promise to chill for a while.


	11. Jaemin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin finds himself in an unexpected situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No violence or sexual content.

2020 Jaemin POV

The woman had just finished giving out assignments, and Jaemin and Jeno were being dragged out of the room. Jeno was now conscious, but Jaemin was still feeling guilty. When they had been in the bathroom, he had reached out for Jeno, selfishly seeking comfort, but the man had pulled him away, and Jeno had fought back. Why’d he have to be such a fighter? When they knocked him out, Jaemin was sure he had been killed. 

Now, he looked over at Jeno being dragged alongside him. Jeno was looking back at him, clearly just as terrified as he was. Jaemin felt sick. He needed Jeno to be okay. He needed them both to be okay, but he couldn’t even begin to predict what might be in the future for them. 

At that moment, they stopped and the man pointed at a large crate. What? Jaemin hadn’t been paying attention, and apparently, Jeno hadn’t either. Had the man said something about the crate? Was he angry?

“Get in the crate!” The man yelled at them. WHAT?! Why the hell would they need to get into a crate? Were they being shipped to their buyer? The man had had enough, and he put it upon himself to put the boys in. Neither wanted a repeat of earlier, so they complied. He put a lid over the top, and the crate started to move. The boys began to whisper.

“Jaemin, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. What about you? Does your head hurt?”

“I feel fine now. I’m mostly just scared.”

“Me too. Why do you think they put us in a crate? Do you think we’re being shipped to our buyer?”

“It seems like that might be the case, but I can’t imagine where we would be going. Somewhere outside of Korea?” Jaemin shrugged, but realized Jeno couldn’t see him.

“I don’t know.” The crate stopped and the boys’ whispers along with it. Suddenly, it was tipped, and Jeno fell onto Jaemin. 

“Maybe, we’re being loaded onto a plane?” Jeno whispered, now much closer. Jaemin didn’t respond. After the crate was still again, and the boys had readjusted themselves, they began to hear a loud noise.

“We must be on a plane. I don’t know what else would make that noise.” Just as Jaemin had started speaking, the plane started to move, and seconds later, it took off. The boys prepared for a long ride.

After days of being in the crate without food or water, the boys were starting to feel cramped, and their hunger was putting them both on edge. Jaemin didn’t know if he could handle being in the crate any longer without losing his mind. From the very first night, he had dreamt that the walls were closing in on him, and he had woken up in a cold sweat. Since then, it had only gotten worse, and now he spent nearly every second in fear of the walls crushing him. Jeno had tried to be helpful at first, but Jaemin sensed that he seemed to be having his own problems, so they kept to themselves. 

On the fourth day, after more moving than usual, the crate was finally opened. As the boys were adjusting their eyes to the light, a man poked his head over the top. 

“How are you doing?.” The man spoke with a strange accent and seemed to barely know Korean at all. He began to speak slowly. “Hi, my name is Yuri Nikolaev, and I am from Russia. I have saved you from terrorists in Korea. I have saved you, but I can not keep you, for I do not have the resources. I will set you free, and I hope you will enjoy your stay in Russia.” 

What relief the boys had felt by the opening of the crate was quickly replaced with confusion. They had ended up in Russia? This man was their buyer? And now he was just going to put them on the streets in a foreign country? The man started to speak again.

“I will give you food and clothing, but then, you must leave quickly.” The boys climbed out of the crate with wobbly legs, and the man shoved two large bags at them. “You must leave now.” The boys were ushered out, and the door was slammed. 

What the hell was that? Less than ten minutes ago, they had still been in the crate, having no clue where they were, and now they were alone on the streets of Russia? Jaemin was scared. He would’ve prefered whatever was back in Korea to being lost in a country where no one spoke the same language. The wind started to bite at his cheeks. Jaemin looked into his bag. Right on top, there was a large coat. Jaemin quickly pulled it on as Jeno was doing the same. 

“Sooooo… What do we do now?” Jeno was just as lost as Jaemin. 

“We find shelter? We eat?” Jaemin had yet to wrap his mind around their situation, so he kept their goals simple. They started walking without any sense of the direction they were going. The street was empty, and all the buildings appeared to be abandoned. Was it safe to just pick one? Jaemin wasn’t exactly in a position to be picky, so he turned to the first one on their left.

The building was one-roomed and completely empty except for a fireplace, but the boys just needed a place to stay. They sat down to look at the contents of their bags. There was a small amount of food--that they devoured immediately--a bottle of water, more warm clothes, a fire starting kit, and a sleeping bag each. The supplies would be enough for a night, but they both knew they were going to have to look for more tomorrow. The entire time they were unpacking, the boys only exchanged a few words. Jaemin knew that they were both struggling to come to terms with their new lifestyle, so he kept quiet, and Jeno did the same.

The temperature was dropping, so Jeno put it upon himself to start a fire and roll out their sleeping bags. Though Jaemin was sitting quietly in the corner, internally, he felt like yelling. What were they going to do? He had no clue how to even begin to find food. He couldn’t even talk to the people here. And what about the cold? They could die from temperatures this low, and they didn’t even have proper clothing. Jaemin froze. They’re going to die. Suddenly, Jaemin started breathing much faster, and his heart rate went through the roof. THEY’RE DEFINITELY GOING TO DIE. Jeno noticed and ran over.

“Jaemin!” He couldn’t respond. Jaemin desperately needed Jeno to help him. “Jaemin! What’s happening? Are you okay?” Jaemin had begun to have his first full-blown panic attack. Jeno didn’t know what to do, and tears came to his eyes. “Why’s this happening?” Jaemin wanted to beg Jeno not to cry. Jaemin started choking as he desperately tried to get oxygen into his lungs.

This went on for half an hour--both of them a complete mess--before Jaemin CALMED HIMSELF and could breath at a normal rate. Jeno was still crying, and Jaemin was angry.

“I can’t believe you balled like a baby while I was having a panic attack.”

“I’m sorry… ” He sniffed. “I was so scared for you.” Jaemin softened. He had never been able to stay angry at Jeno.

“It’s okay. Next time…” Would this happen again? “If there is a next time, for either of us, we need to be able to rely on each other. We need to communicate, so we can figure things out together.” Jeno nodded. He had finally stopped crying. Jaemin felt bad for scolding him. He knew Jeno didn’t like being talked down to. 

“Would you like to come sleep with me?” They had both been trying to handle things separately, and Jaemin had missed being the comfort of Jeno’s arms. Jeno silently walked over and slipped into Jaemin’s sleeping bag. It felt good to finally be near him again.

“I think… we can survive, you know… as long as we’re together.” Jeno looked so hopeful. Jaemin was doubtful, but he was weak to Jeno’s small smile. 

“I think so, too.” 

Eventually, both drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is so weirdly paced. I didn't plan it very well, so it kind of came out without a main focus. I was sort of going for the 'dumb kids who have no idea how to handle themselves' vibe. I hope that's how it came across.


	12. Taeil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taeil isn't who you think he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some torture. Attempts at humor? idk

2020 Taeil

“WHO ELSE KNOWS OF THIS?” The man slapped Taeil again. 

“FOR THE LAST TIME, I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!” Taeil knew exactly what the man was talking about.

“YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!” He punched Taeil in the stomach. Suddenly, he became much quieter. “Kid, I already know there was a leak. If you tell me who it is, I may be able to spare you, but if you won’t, it’s going to get really ugly.” Taeil wanted to laugh. Who did this guy think he was? He had trained for years to be completely ruthless and masochistic. There was no way these secrets were coming out. Taeil spit in his face and laughed.

“YOU LITTLE BITCH!” Another punch to the stomach. “Janice, bring in the device.” The man spoke into a walkie talkie with a smile on his face. A few minutes later, a woman came in with a small device in her hand. Taeil recognized it immediately and laughed again. He thought Americans were supposed to be good at torture. The man seemed disgruntled by Taeil’s laugh, but he continued anyway. 

“I’ll bet you’re just faking it all, this ‘I am a crazy bitch who likes pain’ act. I’ll bet that this is how they teach you to act, so the enemy is thrown off and doesn’t believe that any form of torture will crack you.” Taeil scoffs. “Look at you. You know I’m right. You know that you’re about to get tortured, and you know you won’t be able to handle it.” Americans were so arrogant. They always believed they had the upper hand--their biggest weakness. 

Up to this point, Taeil had been naked and tied up to the ceiling by his arms. At that moment, the man untied him, sat him at a desk, and put his hand into the contraption. It was a machine that slowly pulled off fingernails. Amateur, right? 

“I’m going to ask you again. Who is the snitch?” Taeil remained silent. The man pushed the lever ever so slightly. Taeil could feel his nail being tugged on, and he feigned a gasp of pain but remained silent. The man was pleased. Idiot. “How about we try another question? We have information that you were in an idol group called NCT. Is the snitch also in this group? Taeil tried to keep his expression straight, but he knew it was his weakness. “Oh… he is!” Fuck. Without warning, the man slammed his hand onto the nail device, and Taeil screeched as his nail was ripped off.

“Whoops! It was an accident, I swear.” The man laughed. FUCK. The man made him drop his guard. He needed to regain his composure. The man moved to his next finger.

“Now that you’ve gotten a little taste, I’m sure you’ve got something to tell me.” Taeil stared straight ahead. “Come on now. I heard your little squeal. I know you’re not ready for more. Just tell me what I need to know.” Taeil blinked. “God, I can’t stand this!” The man slammed his hand down again and another one of Taeil’s nail was torn off. This time Taeil merely flinched. This guy was incredibly impatient. “TELL. ME. WHAT. I. WANT. TO. KNOW.” What a drama queen. “NOW!!” He slammed his hand down once more. Taeil wasn’t ready, and he made a small squeak. The man stopped and stared at him and then burst out laughing.

“THAT WAS SO CUTE. OH MY GOD!” What the hell? Were all Americans this crazy?

As the man was starting to calm down, there was a noise through the walkie talkie.

“Hey, bro. We got our hands on this stretchy machine. You still got that prisoner?” 

“Yeah, bro. Bring it up.” Taeil heard men grunting up the stairs. The door opened, and in walked two men with a device the size of a human. 

“Is wittle Jinho weady for some weal torture?” Taeil had never seen something like this. Was he prepared for this type of pain? The men picked Taeil up, and tied him to the device so his body was a large X. 

“Bro, look at him. He’s so short… It’s actually sort of cute.” Were they seriously talking about this?   
The other newcomer walked over.

“Bro, you’re right. If he wasn’t a dude, I’d totally be into him.” Taeil couldn’t wrap his head around their conversation. Was this some sort of psychological technique? It was a pretty terrible one.

“Bros… You need to stop flirting with the prisoner.” He finally turned the pulley, and Taeil could feel his limbs being pulled in four different directions. He yelled out, and his face seemed to scream that he was in excruciating pain. 

“Jinho’s not so tough anymore. Is he?” The man poked his cheek and stretched Taeil farther.

“Please, stop! I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” 

“Tell us the name of the snitch.” Taeil stopped for a moment.

“It’s…” The men were being crushed by anticipation.

“It’s Johnny Seo.” Taeil barely whispered. The men threw their hands up in victory and ran around the room and out the door. 

“WE DID IT!!” Taeil could hear them screaming down the hallway.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Taeil smiled to himself. Idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the humor is super misplaced, but I really liked the irony that you get when it's contrasted with the darkness of torture. Also, if your confused, good. I intentionally wanted to make a little mystery. Perhaps a future explanation of the terrorists? ;)


	13. Lucas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas tries to accept reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some violence. No sexual content.

2022 Lucas POV

It had been nearly a year since Winwin’s death, but Lucas still thought about it everyday. The attack had been so unexpected and violent that Lucas had finally come to the full realization of how dangerous their lives were. Nowadays, Lucas spent every moment in fear, wondering if there was a person behind that bush or a whole band of terrorists walking right behind him. During the day, the other boys tried to be helpful, but he could tell that they were getting sick of him. During the night, like at that moment, he almost never was able to get any sleep, and the growing lack of sleep was making things ten times worse.Though he never told anyone, he believed that there were times that he was hallucinating. At first, Lucas had tried to fix it by clinging to Jungwoo, his long-time security blanket, but lately, Jungwoo wasn’t the same, so they were beginning to become distant.

This night in particular, Lucas was overwhelmed by fear. Five times he had gotten up to see if anyone was outside, and five times he saw no one. Why did he have to be like this? The rational part of his brain knew fully well that what he was doing was irrational, so why was he doing it? Why couldn’t he keep the fear from taking over?

Crrreeeaak. Lucas whipped his head around. Someone’s there? No! This was all in his head. He scolded himself and laid his head back onto his pillow. Lucas took deep breaths and closed his eyes. There’s no one there.

Bump… bump… bump… his eyes flew open. There’s definitely someone there. Lucas got up again and snuck over to the door. He opened it ever so slightly. No one? Lucas wanted to cry. Was he truly this mad? 

WHACK! He fell conscious.

When he woke up, it was still dark, and he was tied up in the corner of their room. The other boys were still sleeping, but a women was silently stepping around them. Lucas tried to make a noise but realised he was gagged. The woman turned her head, pleased that he had woken up. She walked over and whispered in his ear. 

“I’ve heard that you’ve been having some problems.” Problems? Was she talking about his insomnia? His constant fear? How could she know about that? “I’ve heard… that you’ve lost touch with reality.” How could she know that? Not even the other boys knew about his hallucinations. She smiled at the fear and confusion that showed so clearly on his face. “I have a fun game for you. This is how it goes… I will pick one of your little friends… You will tell me if they still care about you… If you’re wrong, I’ll slit their throat. Sound like a deal?” Lucas vigorously shook his head. No, please.

“Sounds like a yes to me.” She started walking around the boys “Who should I choose first?” She stopped and pointed at Jungwoo. “This one?” She looked up to see Lucas’ reaction. He shook his head again. “Ooooohh… definitely this one. So tell me Lucas. Does he care about you?” Lucas wasn’t sure what to do. He nodded his head. “WRONG!” The woman slit his throat. Lucas passed out.

“Lucas!” He felt himself being shaken. “Lucas!” Was that Johnny? He slowly opened his eyes. He was outside lying on the ground, and everyone was around him… except Jungwoo. Ten started speaking to him.

“You were sleepwalking again. We heard you screaming about some woman, and we found you out here.” Was it a dream? Where was Jungwoo? If Jungwoo was dead or missing, surely someone would say something?

“Anyway, since you woke us all up, we’re going to get something to eat. Let’s go.” Lucas stood up. Everything was fine. Jungwoo was probably using the bathroom. 

They walked to the market and bought some oatmeal. Everyone seemed happy, but Lucas felt like something was off. Jungwoo still wasn’t there.

“Hey guys, I’m going to take a walk.” No one paid him any mind as he got up and left. Lucas was confused. Why hadn’t anyone mentioned Jungwoo?

Suddenly, he felt someone behind him.

“Hey, sweetie. Have you been feeling better? He froze. Was that the woman's voice? Was he hallucinating? 

He opened his eyes to see Jungwoo hovering over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for making it pretty confusing again. It's meant to be implied that he was woken up by Jungwoo in the end. I wanted it to seem like you were in Lucas' shoes, and I hoped that you were just as confused as he was about reality. I won't ever tell you what really happened, but I will clarify that Jungwoo IS NOT dead. Inspired by inception.


	14. Renjun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun can't feel anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of sex and violence. Pretty tame.

2025 Renjun POV

Renjun had been in the same brothel for five years. He had lost count of the men who had fucked him, but he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care about anything anymore. About three years ago, when Renjun had been attempting to escape for the nth time, he was caught again, and the owner had had enough. Renjun was beaten and then locked in a cage alone. After only a day in complete solitude, he started to lose it. He thrashed around and begged to be released. No one came. After three days, he would do anything to get out. He screamed that he would be obedient from now on. No one listened. After five days, he started dying on the inside and out. He whispered “please save me” to a rat that had wandered into his cage. No one heard. After a week, the person that Renjun had been was gone. They let him out, but he had become a completely blank slate. He let men fuck him, but he became unresponsive, and the men started to complain. The owners tried to beat him again, but Renjun truly didn’t care. His price started to go down, and nowadays, only the desperate came to fuck him.

Currently, Renjun was working. He was sitting in the same corner that he always sat in, but no one was paying him any mind. Association with him had developed a negative connotation--if you fucked him, you were nothing but trash--so most of Renjun’s days had become uneventful. As he was zoning off, he started to notice something going on around him. Was everyone running more than normal? Did people usually scream in here? Guns? I thought guns weren’t allowed? Renjun looked around. It seemed as though a group of men had just raided the building. Renjun sighed. What an inconvenience. He remained seated in his corner until everyone except for the prostitutes were dead. Why wouldn’t they kill the prostitutes? Wasn’t that the point of raids? The men appeared to be carefully examining the prostitutes faces one by one. Each time, they seem dissatisfied and let the prostitute leave. One man walked over to him.

“Renjun?!” What? How did this man know his name? Had he been a customer? “Oh my god, it is you. GUYS, OVER HERE! IT’S RENJUN!” The man looked like he wanted to cry. What the hell?  
The other men ran over. There seemed to be nine of them. 

“Oh my god”

“I can’t believe it”

“He looks confused” It fell silent. The tallest one knelt down. 

“Renjun, do you know who we are?” He looked around. Suddenly, something in his brain flickered.

“Johnny?” The boys cheered. Renjun could now recognize them all: Chenle, Lucas, Kun, Jaemin, Jeno, Jungwoo, Jaehyun, Ten, and Johnny. All of his memories came flooding back. He could feel himself filling with absolute joy, and then… he turned off. His brain went back to its default--indifference.  
Around him, the excitement continued. They jumped and yelled, and Chenle hugged him while Ten started sobbing. Why were they so happy? There’s nothing to be happy about. They still lived in hell. Jaemin noticed Renjun’s expression change.

“Are you doing okay?” Jaemin said this quietly as though he was afraid to break him. Renjun saw Jeno whisper to Chenle, and they both turned their heads to look at Jaehyun. Renjun responded blankly.

“I’m fine.” The boys looked at each other.

“Are you sure there’s not anything you need to talk about?” They all seemed genuinely concerned.

“No. I’m fine. Let’s go.” Renjun stood up and walked right through them. The boys were hesitant and looked to Jaehyun once more. They walked out the door behind him.

When they got back to the town they were residing in, all of the boys wanted to sleep except Renjun. 

“I’m going to go for a walk. My sleep schedule is a bit screwed up.” Renjun walked to a nearby lake and sat by the shoreline. Why wasn’t he happy to see them again? For years, he had dreamt of being together again, so why was he unable to feel happy now? Was he truly this deeply hurt? Had he lost all sense of the concept of happiness? He heard something behind him. Ten had walked up. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Ten sat down beside him. They remained like that for a few minutes before Ten spoke suddenly.

“I know exactly how you feel…” Renjun doubted that. “Well, I don’t know what prostitution is like, but I do know what it’s like to feel useless and angry at the world for putting us through this shit.” Renjun wasn’t angry--he was indifferent. “I just wanted you to know that, even though I’m not really the best person to be giving you advice, I think there are ways to deal with it all. I know that I, personally, rely on Johnny more than anything else, and he makes me happy. What I’m basically saying is that you should try to find someone or something that makes your life worth it, that makes you happy.” Renjun thought that a normal person might laugh at this point… but Renjun wasn’t normal. He knew that he had lost all ability for human emotion. He knew that he’d never be able to have a normal relationship again, and he knew that even the most screwed up of the bunch would never understand entirely. “I know you’re still processing things, but can you promise to try?” Renjun nodded. 

“I will.” Ten seemed satisfied, so he got up and left.

Renjun watched him walk away. He knew his words meant nothing. He knew he would live out the rest of his life alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you notice how he went from calling them men to calling them boys? Once he remembered them, he replaced their outward appearance of men with the image that he had of them when they were younger--boys, innocence. Awwww. That little part made my heart ache, so I wanted to share the reasoning behind it. If you were confused about why they kept looking to Jaehyun, it was because he had been screwed up by the brothel, and they feared that Renjun would be suffering similarly. I'd also like to point out that this is the raid that was mentioned in Ten's chapter, and that is why he seemed to have an entirely different attitude (he was pleasantly surprised that they had found Renjun)


	15. Jeno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeno makes a risky decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied sex. Some violence (barely counts). 
> 
> Side note: I do not mean to make any assumptions about Russia or its people. This work is fiction and is meant for entertainment purposes only.

2023 Jeno POV

In the three years that Jeno and Jaemin had been living in Russia, they actually hadn’t been doing too badly. Of course, they could only earn money through peep shows, but given their circumstances, they were living in decent comfort. A week into their stay in Russia, they had almost been killed trying to steal, so they had turned to peek shows as a last ditch effort. The had gone in not expecting much, but the woman there seemed to be thrilled to see them. She had attempted to speak to them in English: “I give money… for watch” She had pointed to the rooms and Jeno and Jaemin knew enough English to know what she was was trying to say. They happily took the job, and the woman quickly ushered them back to get started. Within the week, it had gotten around that there were now Asians being displayed, and their popularity boomed (Asian fetishes seemed to be common outside of Asia). At first, the boys had troubles with feeling comfortable, but after the cash started rolling in, they would do anything to keep customers satisfied. 

To this day, Jeno and Jaemin were still living in the same house. It seemed that it truly was abandoned, so they never saw any reason to find someplace else. And like that, they were able to live without the fear of dying. 

Though they were glad that they hadn’t died, they definitely weren’t happy. Most days, they couldn’t help but feel homesick or just plain exhausted with the struggles of living in Russia. Jaemin still had panic attacks occasionally, but they both knew that Jeno was on an entirely different level. He wasn’t completely sure, but he suspected that he might be bipolar. He had read about it once years ago, and it seemed to him that it fit his extreme mood swings perfectly. He would go from high-highs: feeling happy 24/7, constant energy, wanting way too much sex from Jaemin, and doing crazy shit for fun. To low-lows: troubles just getting out of bed, not eating anything, and being completely unresponsive at times. It didn’t take long for Jaemin to come to the same conclusion, but neither had any clue how to deal with it. They obviously had no access to medication or a psychiatrist, so they figured he’d have to learn how to control it… 

At the moment, Jeno was arguing with Jaemin.

“I don’t know why we can’t do it. We’ve been wanting this since we’ve gotten here, and this would be our perfect opportunity.” Jeno didn’t know why Jaemin was being so stubborn.

“No, you know that I want sex to be for us. I’m already uncomfortable with the peep shows. I need to draw the line somewhere.”

“It’ll be just once, and we might seriously get to go back home and find the other members.”

“I know that it’s appealing, but we don’t even know if we can trust him.”

“There’s no harm in trying.” Jaemin looked offended by this. Jeno felt bad. He knew how much their relationship meant to him, but he needed to do this for both of them. He just wanted them to go home again.

“I’m not even going to listen to you right now. I know that you’re in a manic phase.” Jeno couldn’t believe that he had said that. Jaemin knew how much he hated not being taken seriously because of his (suspected) mental illness. Jaemin’s face immediately showed his regret. 

“Oh my god, Jeno. I’m so sorry. I only sa-” Jeno walked out and slammed the door. 

As he was walking away, he expected Jaemin to follow, but it seemed as though he wouldn’t. What a coward. 

Jeno found his way to the bar and quickly became drunk. Why was Jaemin so ungrateful? Jeno had this perfect opportunity to essentially fix their lives, and Jaemin just wanted to throw it away for the sake of monogamy? As Jeno sat there by himself, he slowly became angrier and drunker. Why should he even have to do what Jaemin tells him to do? He was his own person. Couldn’t he make his own decisions? He had finally made up his mind. He was going to do it, and he was going to make Jaemin happy.

Jeno reached into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled address of the man he was looking for. He set on his way to find the house. After ten minutes of stumbling around, Jeno finally found it. He knocked. A Korean man of about thirty opened the door.

Flashback

Jeno had just finished up a full night of work, and he was about to go home when a man walked up to him. The man began to speak to him in Korean, and Jeno was taken aback.

“Hello… I couldn’t but notice that you stand out quite a bit. Are you from around here?” Jeno shook his head.

“I’m Korean.” 

“I thought so… How did you end up in Russia at such a young age?” Jeno wasn’t sure if he could trust this man. Why was he here? The man laughed at Jeno’s expression.

“Don’t worry. I’m not out to get you. I escaped Korea before the terrorist attacks, and now I’m just enjoying Russia’s unique culture.” Jeno still shouldn’t’ve trusted him, but for some reason, he let the man buy him drinks and told him everything. The man seemed to care, and by the end of the night, he had made Jeno an offer.

“You know, I’m quite wealthy, and I still have connections in Korea. I might be able to get you and your boyfriend back to those boys.” Jeno couldn’t believe what he was hearing. An opportunity to go home? Just like that? There had to be a catch. The man continued after seeing Jeno’s excitement. 

“I’m willing to help you, but only under the condition that you give me single private show… and otherwise.” Jeno’s face dropped. The man had seemed so nice. Why would he make a cruel offer like this? Jeno knew there was no way Jaemin would allow this. “Take it or leave it, kid. You have a week before I’m outta Russia.”

End Flashback

Jeno did it.

One Week Later

“Jaemin, I’m so sorry. I was drunk and manic, and I thought I was helping.” Jaemin glared at him. “Please?”

Another Flashback

When Jeno came back to their house after his little session, Jaemin already knew what had happened. As soon as Jeno walked in, he slapped him in the face. 

“I can’t believe you did it!” Tears were streaming down his face. “You know how much I cared about you, and how much I cared about our relationship, but you went out and did it anyway.” Jeno eyes started to water. Jaemin fell to the floor and started to bang his head. Jeno couldn’t stand to watch Jaemin hurting himself. He picked Jaemin up while getting punched and put him in his sleeping bag. That night, he heard Jaemin cry himself to sleep.

End Flashback

They were now on a plane headed back to Korea, but Jaemin would no longer talk to him. It hurt him to see Jaemin like this. He had never intended for it to turn out like this. He just wanted them to be happy.

“Jaemin?” He didn’t turn his head, but Jeno knew he was listening. “I just want you to know that I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. I know that I made a mistake, but I’m sorry, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. Despite what you may believe, the sex that we have is so important to me, and the whole time I was with that guy, I was only thinking of you, of how we could go back to Korea together and finally be happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you. Please… will you forgive me?”

Jaemin remained silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last three chapters are going to (attempt to) tie up all loose ends. Get ready y'all.


	16. Jungwoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'The Incident' (mentioned in Winwin's chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentioned violence. No sexual content.

2020 Jungwoo POV

Jungwoo woke up to the birds singing. He couldn’t help but think about the irony of something so beautiful in a world so dark. Jungwoo sat up and looked around. The boys were all scattered on the ground, sleeping in pairs. Johnny with Ten, Winwin with Yuta, and himself with Lucas. They had been living a month or so on their own, and honestly? They weren’t doing too badly. Obviously, each of them had had their low moments, but they were still alive.

At that moment, Jungwoo thought he saw someone in the distance walking towards them. He squinted his eyes. The man appeared to be waving? What was he doing out here? How did he find them? He called out quietly to the other boys, and they woke up in irritation.

“What do you want?” Yuta whined.

“There’s someone coming. Does anyone know who it is?” The boys quickly turned their heads, surprised that someone had found them out here. No one knew who it was, but as he walked nearer, they all stood up and bowed respectfully.

“Hello, kids. What cha doin’ out here on yer own?” He spoke with a funny accent that Jungwoo couldn’t quite place. 

“We escaped some terrorist attacks a month ago. We’re just trying to live on our own now.” Johnny was the first to respond. 

“Well, that’s nice. I got some food on me. Would y’all like some?” The boys happily agreed to free food, but Jungwoo noticed that Ten seemed hostile.

“No. I don’t trust you. We don’t need any of your food.” The man shifted uncomfortably. 

“C’mon, kid. I’m just a nice ol’ man. There’s no need to be suspicious of me.” Ten wouldn’t back down.

“No. And you can leave now.” The man seemed to be getting upset. His voice became tense and his accent changed.

“Let’s just all sit down and have a nice meal.” Everyone else was starting to get suspicious as well. Johnny spoke next. 

“I think you shou-” Suddenly, the man screamed and lunged at Johnny with a knife that had seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. Jungwoo sat frozen, but Ten was ready to move. He knocked the knife out of the man’s hands and tackled him to the ground.

“Why are you really here?” Ten yelled in his face.

“I won’t tell you!” Ten picked up the knife and held it to his throat.

“How about now?” The man caved immediately and started crying.

“I was sent to kill Johnny.” Jungwoo was confused. Who would want Johnny dead? He looked to the other boys for answers, but they seemed just as confused.

“Who sent you?” 

“The Americans. I’m so sorry. I’m a hired hand. I’m not a part of their organization.” He was still crying. Jungwoo’s confusion was only growing. What did the terrorists have against Johnny?

“Why do they want to kill him?”

“I don’t know. It was something about being a spy, and I think there was something about leaks.” At that, all of them stopped and looked at Johnny, but he looked genuinely confused.

“I… haven’t done anything. I’ve never heard of this.” Johnny murmured. The man continued.

“They said they had a confession from another spy. His name was… Taeil I think.” Everyone froze. “I heard he was a spy within SM. He must’ve had loads of connections in there.” Ten became angry.

“You’re lying.” 

“I’m just telling you what I’ve heard.” None of the boys could believe it. Taeil’s a spy? Did that mean Johnny was too?

“Listen to me. You’re going to go back to them and tell them that Johnny’s dead. In return, we won’t kill you.” Ten was scarier than Jungwoo had ever seen. The man nodded, and Ten let him go.

After the man was gone, Lucas spoke for the first time.

“Soooo… Taeil and Johnny are spies?”

“No. Taeil might be a spy, but Johnny isn’t.” Ten snapped at him, but Jungwoo could see the uncertainty in his eyes. Yuta decided to speak up.

“Why should we believe he isn’t a spy? They wouldn’t go through the effort of trying to kill him if he wasn’t.” As Yuta said this, Jungwoo could see Ten’s eyes widen.

“I have known Johnny for years, and I trust him with my life. If he says that he isn’t a spy, I am going believe him, and I can’t believe that any of you wouldn’t do the same.” Jungwoo had never seen Ten so angry in his life, and he was starting to get scared. He really hated conflict. 

“That’s not exactly proof that he isn’t a spy.” Ten looked like he wanted to kill Yuta.

“There’s no proof that he is a spy. That guy could have been crazy, or maybe Taeil just wanted to stab us in the back.” Jungwoo really couldn’t stand this anymore.

“Oh, so you’re ready to turn your back on Taeil but not Johnny. Of course you’re going to defend your little boyfriend.” Jungwoo started to see dark spots in front of his eyes.

“You know wha-”

“SHUT UP!” Jungwoo blacked out.

2021

It had only been a few months since the ‘incident’. Jungwoo still couldn’t remember anything after he had blacked out. Lucas told him that he had fallen to ground, screaming and begging for them to stop arguing, but Jungwoo couldn’t remember a bit of it. Since then, the tension remained high. After Jungwoo’s breakdown, they came to the agreement--sort of--that Johnny MIGHT be a spy, but they were in no position to kill him or let him go. Ten was pissed, and he couldn’t talk to Yuta for weeks. When they found Jaehyun, though he seemed completely different, everyone’s spirits were lightened. Yuta had become more trusting of Johnny, and he was able to agree that he PROBABLY WASN’T a spy. 

One week later

Winwin was dead. Each time Jungwoo said it to himself it seemed less real. They were all devastated by his death. No one knew how to function. 

One month later

Yuta was dead. They found him in an alley covered in blood. Johnny broke down first.

“It’s my fault. I could have stopped him. I should’ve known that he was hurting this badly.” He cried for hours. 

No one believed he was a spy.

One week later

Jungwoo blacked out again.

2022

At this point, Jungwoo had started blacking out regularly. About once a month, he would wake up not knowing what he had been doing for the past few hours. Each time, the other boys would tell him that he just did a little bit of weird stuff, but… he felt like he could see fear in their eyes. Even Lucas was beginning to distance himself. 

2023

Jungwoo couldn’t believe it. A helicopter? All of the boys were in the middle of town staring up at the first helicopter they had seen in years. Was it terrorists? Were they looking for Johnny again?

“HIDE!” Johnny screamed over the sound of the helicopter. As everyone was scattering, Jungwoo saw Lucas lying on ground with his eyes closed, clearly panicking. Jungwoo ran over to him.

“LUCAS, YOU NEED TO GET UP! THEY MIGHT BE TERRORISTS!”

“NO! THEY’RE NOT REAL!” Jungwoo started to panic as well.

“PLEASE, LUCAS!” Jungwoo blacked out.

When Jungwoo came to, he was being held down by Johnny and Jaehyun. The rest of the boys were surrounding him, and… Jeno and Jaemin were here? What the fuck? He suddenly became aware of Johnny speaking.

“...okay now? He just looks confused.” Johnny and Jaehyun released him. Johnny turned to him and started speaking again. “You feeling okay?” Jungwoo nodded. “Okay… I think it’s about time that we tell you what’s really happening during your blackouts.” They all looked nervous about Jungwoo’s reaction, but he wasn’t even surprised. He had suspected that they had been lying to him. He simply nodded once more. Johnny looked relieved as he continued. “Ever since your very first blackout, you become an entirely different person. You become… unpredictable and uncontrollable. You do some… questionable things. Originally, we thought it would best to keep it from you because we didn’t want to stress you out, but… uh… due to recent events, we feel that your understanding of it may be the only way to fix it.” Johnny looked at him expectantly. 

“Can you tell me what I’ve done?”

“Uh… usually you get weirdly sexual and often try to strip completely, but today… uh… you started to strangle Lucas… we had to pull you off.” What? Why would he hurt Lucas when he was already suffering so much on his own? Guilt immediately began to overcome him, so he buried his head between his knees and refused to move. The boys continued to try to talk to him but quickly gave up. He didn’t want to accept the reality of his dangerous alter ego.

Hours after everyone had given up trying to speak to him, Jungwoo heard someone sit beside him.

“It’s not your fault, you know.” It was Lucas. “I know you feel guilty, but we all know that you would never intentionally harm anyone. We just want to help you learn how to control it.”

“What if I can’t control it?”

“We’ll still be here for you no matter what.”

“...thank you”

2024

Jungwoo’s blackouts had improved significantly. He found that they were usually caused by high stress levels, so all he had to do was stay calm… easy, right? Jungwoo had started to become closer to Lucas again, and he discovered that Lucas was living in a hell far worse than his own. He had no clue how he hadn’t noticed before, but Lucas was almost always in constant panic. Lucas even told him that he frequently had hallucinations. When Jungwoo first started learning of Lucas’ issues, he was terrified that the two of them together would be a ticking time bomb, but he quickly found that sharing struggles was actually way more comforting than he could have ever imagined. Together, they never felt crazy. Together, there was always understanding. Together, they could fix each other.

One week later

“KUN AND CHENLE ARE HERE!” Jeno ran into their house pulling Kun and Chenle behind him. Seconds later, everyone was screaming and jumping around. Jungwoo was happier than he’d been in months, and he could not believe the luck they had.

After a few minutes, everyone had calmed down and were seated around Kun and Chenle in anticipation. Jungwoo couldn’t help but notice that Chenle had been clung to Kun’s arm the entire time. What happened to them?

“Sooo, tell us what happened.” Jeno’s out-of-place excitement made Jungwoo cringe. Chenle hid his face while Kun proceeded to tell their entire story. 

Jungwoo couldn’t believe it. After all this time, he had no clue that the terrorists would use them for such cruel and unusual experimentation. He saw how broken they were, and suddenly he couldn’t help but think of all of the boys. Mark, Renjun, Jisung, Donghyuck, and Doyoung were still missing and were probably dead. Taeil might be spy. Lucas had extreme paranoia. Jaemin and Jeno were in a very bumpy relationship. Jaehyun often seemed dead to the world. Johnny was starting to have troubles controlling Ten’s outbursts. And Taeyong, Winwin, and Yuta were DEAD. Jungwoo descended into a sudden spiral of depressive thoughts. Why did this happen to us? Why couldn’t they live normally again? Was everything permanently broken?

Jungwoo blacked out.

2025

Despite some massive setbacks, Jungwoo’s blackouts were still improving. In fact, since they had found Renjun, everyone was starting to feel much more optimistic. They all started to believe that finding the rest of the members could be possible. Jungwoo desperately hoped it wasn’t all in vain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, they are supposed to seem careless at the beginning (I figured some of you may have been annoyed by their stupidity). I wanted to show how they had changed from complete innocence to cold, bitter cynicism. I'm sorry that it's so messy and rushed again. I'm throwing a lot together at once to tie up loose ends, while still trying to give Jungwoo his own story line. If you're having any questions about the plot in the last few chapters, feel free to ask me, and I'll try to clear things up.
> 
> [Link](https://uejtxwybffwtf.tumblr.com/post/176428816179/broken-nct-fanfic) for covers and moodboards for this fic.


	17. Doyoung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doyoung recovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some violence. A tiny bit of sexual content.

2026 Doyoung POV

11:55am

Today was the day. All of the most important people in the ASAHE (Americans for Scientific Advancement through Human Experimentation) were gathered in Seoul for the annual celebration of their advancements as a group. On this day, all of the leaders in experimentation came together to show off their accomplishments to the rest of the organization, often times putting their guinea pigs on display. Over the years, Doyoung had seen Chenle and Jisung as participants in the experiments, and it disgusted him to see how these monsters had destroyed them. 

11:56am

As for Doyoung, he was only put on display once. Right in the beginning, Doyoung had been subject to a ‘brainwashing for obedience’ experiment, and though it didn’t work, Doyoung had been smart enough to fake it. The ‘scientists’ were thrilled to show off his blind obedience, and once they were done with him, Doyoung was put to work in information processing. Doyoung now had access to all of the information in the organization just because these Americans were dumb enough to believe that their experiments wouldn’t have fault. Embarrassingly enough (especially since Doyoung knew he was partially responsible for the attacks), Doyoung hadn’t tried to take advantage of his position until a few years in, when he believed Chenle was killed. His anger motivated him to learn all that there was to know about the organization. He was more powerful than any of their leaders, but he had no idea how to use it until just a few months ago. 

11:57am

One day, while he had been working, he received an email that seemed to be in code. He immediately recognized it as a code he used to share with Jaehyun, Taeyong, and Taeil, and he quickly translated it to get ‘This is Jaehyun. We have a plan to end the terrorism, but we need you. Respond within twenty four hours if you are able to help us. Don’t share with anyone, or I will personally hunt you down.’ Doyoung had been confused. He had no clue how Jaehyun would know how to contact him. And who was “we”? He had become suspicious. What if this was a test? Doyoung considered for a few minutes, but eventually decided that, even if it was fake, it was probably his best opportunity to actually do something. So he replied, and it began their conversation to end it all. 

11:58am

Today was the day. Doyoung had told Jaehyun of the celebration and of all of the entrances to the building. They were going to break in and take it all down. Currently, Doyoung sat in his small office space, staring at the clock. He knew that the event had already begun. He knew that they would all be dead any minute now.

11:59am

Only one minute left. He sat in anticipation.

12:00pm

Doyoung heard gunshots and screaming. He smiled. The plan had begun. He waited for everything to quiet down before he made his way down to the exhibition area. He reached the bottom of the stairs, and he couldn’t believe his eyes. Surrounded by corpses, Renjun, Lucas, Kun, Jeno, Jaemin, Jungwoo, Jaehyun, Ten, Johnny, and CHENLE(?!) were all alive. He ran to Jaehyun and threw his arms around him. Jaehyun seemed stiff but eventually returned the hug.

“We did it! I can’t believe we did it!” The other boys noticed that Doyoung had entered and joined in for a large group hug.

“This was all thanks to you. We wouldn’t’ve been able to do any of it without your inside information.” Jaemin spoke to him with tears streaming down his face. Doyoung couldn’t believe that they had really ended it all.

After finding and releasing Jisung (they were all mortified at how damaged he was), Ten had the guts to ask about the rest of the boys. 

“Doyoung, do you happen to know where Mark, Donghyuck, and Taeil are?” Doyoung sighed. Of course he knew what happened to them. 

“I actually know the address of the buyer that Mark and Donghyuck were taken to. I have no clue if they’re alive though. And for Taeil… uh… he’s actually a spy.” Doyoung actually knew much more, but he couldn’t tell them. “I don’t actually know what happened to him, but he was probably killed.” Doyoung waited for their response. No one seemed surprised, just disappointed. Johnny started to speak.

“A while ago, there was a man who tried to kill me, but we were able to stop him. He told us that Taeil was a spy and that he had tried to accuse me of being a spy and leaking something.” 

“Oh… you’re not a spy?” Doyoung knew perfectly well where the leak came from, and it certainly wasn’t Johnny.

“No. I swear that I have no clue why he would try to frame me, but I’m NOT A SPY.” Doyoung knew why he was framed, but he wouldn’t dare say. 

“I trust you. I know that you wouldn’t do all of this if you were.” At least, it wasn’t a total lie. Jeno budged in.

“Can we find Mark and Donghyuck now?”

A few hours later

The boys had hijacked a few of the terrorists’ cars and were now pulling up to a large house in Busan. Doyoung was disgusted at the amount of comfort that this person seemed to be living in. 

“This is it.” The boys got out and walked straight up to the door. Johnny knocked, and a man who appeared to be a butler opened the door.

“Mr. Choi isn’t seeing any gues-” The man stopped as Johnny shoved a gun in his face.

“Where are Mark and Donghyuck?” The man quickly backed down.

“I can show you where they are.” The man led Johnny, Ten, and Doyoung down a hallway while the others stood guard. When they reached the end, they could see a single door with sounds coming from the inside. 

“This is where the master is with Mark and Donghyuck.” Johnny threw open the door and then stopped in shock. Mark was standing in the corner in tiny shorts while Donghyuck sat between a man’s legs, giving him a blowjob. When the three of them barged in, the man froze, and his eyes flickered to the left. Johnny barely had time to turn before a larger man was on top of him. Doyoung shot him in the head. By this time, the man had grabbed Donghyuck and was holding him against his chest. He laughed. Donghyuck seemed too scared to do anything.

“Is this what you’re looking for?” He had somehow gotten his hands on a gun, and he held it against Donghyuck’s head. “If you kill me, my Kitten is coming down with me!” He forced Donghyuck into a kiss and then laughed again. Doyoung was shocked. He couldn’t’ve predicted that the man would be this crazy. He had no clue how to diffuse the situation. Suddenly, Mark screamed and slapped the gun out of his hand from behind. He tackled him to the ground and started punching him. Doyoung could see tears in his eyes. 

“I HATE YOU! I HATE THAT YOU ENSLAVED US! I HATE THAT YOU TREATED US LIKE WE WERE NOTHING BUT TOYS! I HATE THAT YOU TOOK EVERYTHING WE CARED ABOUT! I HATE THAT YOU HURT US WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE! I HATE YOU… ” This went on for a while. The man was slowly becoming limp. With one last punch, it seemed that Mark had killed him. Mark started to collapse when Donghyuck pulled him into a hug, and they sat, sobbing in each other’s arms. Johnny, Ten, and Doyoung were frozen with shock. Eventually, they came to their senses and pulled the two boys up.

“It’s okay. It’s all over. We can leave now.” 

They walked straight out of the house and never came back.

One week later

Doyoung was happy. Well… sort of. He was happy that fourteen of them had managed to come out of this alive, but he was sad that three (probably four) of them had died. He was happy that they could all be together again, but he was sad that everyone seemed so broken. Of all the things that made Doyoung happy or sad, the one that he couldn’t stop thinking about was Jaehyun. Doyoung knew that Jaehyun would likely be struggling just like everyone else, but it still saddened him to see how empty and bitter he was. Most of time, Jaehyun didn’t seem to care about anyone, and it hurt Doyoung to know that his best friend no longer seemed interested in him at all. He had nearly given up, but he wanted to try one last thing.

It was nearly midnight, and over the past few days, Doyoung had noticed that Jaehyun would leave the shelter at this time. This night, he planned to follow him. 

Just then, he saw Jaehyun get up and walk out. Doyoung quietly followed. Jaehyun only walked about ten yards before lying down on his back. What the hell was he doing? Doyoung slowly walked over to him.

“Jaehyun?” He only whispered, but Jaehyun nearly jumped a foot into the air.

“What are you doing here?” Jaehyun’s voice was unwelcoming, and Doyoung felt his heart drop.

“I just wanted to lie with you. Are you looking at the stars?” Jaehyun stopped for a few seconds before rolling his eyes and lying back down.

“Yes.” Doyoung lay beside him. They sat for at least half an hour before Doyoung spoke again.

“Are you okay?” A minute passed.

“...do you really think that any of us are okay?” Jaehyun’s voice was still bitter, but Doyoung felt like he was getting somewhere.

“So you admit to it?” Another minute.

“...yes? no? I… don’t really know.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Only a few seconds.

“I… I know that I’ve… changed, but it’s not like I’m out here crying about it.”

“Changed in what ways?” Doyoung seemed to have hit just the right spot.

“I just find it really hard to care about anything or anyone anymore. You know? Everyone else just seems so unaware of how terrible our lives are, but somehow, they are able to find happiness, and it just confuses me. I can’t figure out if I should hate them for being ignorant or be happy that they can use their ignorance to find happiness. Like, I feel like I could be happy if I just stopped thinking about all of the terrible things, but I also value a realistic view of life. You know? I hate the idea of deluding myself to be happy, but maybe… I need happiness? I don’t know… It also feels like I’m incapable of feeling emotions in the same way. Like, when the others are sad about something, all I can think about is how much it doesn’t matter. You know? And nobody else seems to understand why I feel that way… I think that’s the worst part… it’s so lonely when no one is capable of understanding you… it’s not like I mind usually… sometimes, I just feel so alone.” A few minutes passed. Jaehyun seemed to be done talking.

“I’m not just saying this to try to cheer you up, but I do know how you feel. When I was working for the terrorists, for years I didn’t even bother to do anything. I didn’t really care what happened to everyone because nothing mattered to me. Like, I knew we would all end up dead eventually. I was extremely bitter about everything… It wasn’t until I thought that Chenle had been killed that I could feel any real emotion again. When it happened, I tried to convince myself that it didn’t matter, that I knew that it was coming. After a few days, I came to a different realization: Even if death was everyone’s inevitable reality, shouldn’t life be spent in a way that was worth it? Though it still bothered me that I was going to go through a lot of effort just to die in the end, I decided that living a life that gave me purpose and allowed others to be happy was better than wasting away in my current state. I know that it may be hard for you to feel the same way, and honestly, I don’t expect you to, but I just want you to know that I understand you. You don’t need to feel alone with me.” Doyoung turned his head. Jaehyun didn’t move or say anything else, but Doyoung could see a single tear run down his face. 

He looked back up at the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that "information processing" is super ambiguous and incredibly convenient but just don't think about it too much. I also realize that it was a little too easy for them to bring down the entire organization but just don't think about it too much. Doyoung has some secrets?


	18. Taeyong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All clean

2012 Taeyong POV

Minjoon was seated on a plane, going to Korea for the first time in his life. He looked over at Jinho who had already fallen asleep. He was jealous at how easily Jinho seemed to adapt to his new persona, while Minjoon couldn’t stop overthinking everything. Minjoon was used to it though. Even from his earliest memories, Minjoon could always remember Jinho being better than him at everything. From physical aptitude to problem solving, from Korean to manipulation, from seduction to torture endurance. Jinho was always better. Even though they had always been each other’s greatest competitors, they were also surprisingly close. Within ASAHE, they were of a select few that had been specifically trained to infiltrate South Korean corporations in preparation for future plans. Through all of it Minjoon always had Jinho by his side.

Hours later, they arrived in Korea. There was a man waiting for them at the airport. He held a sign that displayed their new identities ‘Lee Taeyong and Moon Taeil’. Taeyong had forgotten about that. He knew that it was his job to completely abandon his old identity, but he couldn’t help but feel sentimental. Was he just throwing himself away to create someone new?

“Taeyong, let’s go.” Of course Jin… Taeil had already morphed himself into this new person.

The man drove them straight to SM where Taeyong and Taeil had already had their audition planned. Obviously, they had prepared well, so they were accepted into the company almost immediately, and they were told to move into the dorms ASAP. 

One week later

It was their first day in the studio, and Taeyong and Taeil were meeting their fellow trainees for the first time.

“Hey! It’s nice to finally have some new trainees.” The tallest greeted them with a friendly smile. Taeyong felt bad. Did he really have to lie to these people? 

“Thank you. It’s nice to be here. I wasn’t sure if I would even make it through the audition.” Everyone laughed. Taeil was already lying through his teeth.

“So… what do you guys do?” The shortest one had a funny accent. Was it Vietnamese? Thai?

“I got in with my singing.” Taeil spoke first and then turned to Taeyong.

“Uh… I’m a dancer and rapper.”

“That’s cool. I think we should all introduce ourselves. I’m Johnny.” Was he American?

“Chittaphon.” Taeyong still had no clue where he was from.  
“Hansol”

“Yoonoh”

“Yuta” Japanese?

“Dongyoung”

The boys talked for a while before finally getting to work. It was clear how passionate they all felt about becoming idols. Taeyong couldn’t help but feel guilty at his own lack of passion.

After a full day of practice, the other trainees offered to take them out to eat. They had no choice but to happily agree. Johnny bought everyone ramen, and they sat down. When they started eating and talking, Taeyong finally took the opportunity to let his people reading skills kick in. 

Almost immediately, he noticed how close Chittaphon and Johnny were, physically and emotionally. It didn’t take long for Taeyong to realize that Chittaphon didn’t speak Korean too well, so every few seconds Johnny would translate their conversation into English. Beside that, it seemed like they were closer than anyone else. Almost like a couple? Taeyong saw all of the signs of a relationship, but he knew SM didn’t allow them. Was he wrong? Or was it a secret? He also noticed that Johnny seemed to the ‘leader type’. He always tried to make everyone feel comfortable, and during practice, he always kept everyone on track. Taeyong turned his attention to Yoonoh. As much as he knew it was against the rules, Taeyong couldn’t help but have a small him. He was VERY attractive, and everything about his personality seemed genuine and sweet. Taeyong felt his stomach lurch in guilt, but he ignored it. He turned next to Hansol. He seemed really quiet. He hadn’t really said anything to anyone. Taeyong figured he was just shy. He didn’t really seem to be hiding anything. He moved on to Yuta. He was probably the most interesting character. He always wanted to be involved, and somehow, he turned everything into a competition. Though he was a hilariously bitter loser, Taeyong could tell that he definitely did not have any ulterior motives. He turned lastly to Dongyoung and realized that he had been staring at him. Taeyong jumped.

“You’re pretty quiet, aren’t you?” Taeyong blushed. He wasn’t prepared for such bluntness.

“Uh… yeah. I’m not much of a conversationalist, but I don’t mind listening to others.” Dongyoung stared him down. Taeyong felt self-conscious. Did he know something?

“That’s okay. We have too many loud people anyway.” Dongyoung finally replied and then turned away. What was that? Taeyong had a harder time reading Dongyoung. He was sarcastic with a sharp mouth and a chill personality, but Taeyong couldn’t help but feel like he was hiding behind a mask. 

After feeling satisfied with the personality profiles he had developed, Taeyong looked over to Taeil. He had been talking with Johnny and Chittaphon the entire time. Taeyong couldn’t understand why Taeil was spending so much time on them. Clearly, they would be the hardest to get close to because of their relationship, so why was Taeil so set on them? Taeyong watched for a while longer, and suddenly, it hit him. Taeil was STARING at Chittaphon and laughing at EVERYTHING he said. Oh my god. There was no way Taeil--the best spy he had ever met--was breaking their number one rule on the very first day. Taeyong couldn’t deny it… Taeil was whipped for Chittaphon.

2013

Taeyong had fully adopted his new identity. He WAS Taeyong now. Unfortunately, it seemed that Taeil had adapted his new identity a little too well. His crush on Chittaphon was getting worse. Taeyong tried to confront him early on, but he had only tried to deny it. Taeyong was afraid of how blinded Taeil was becoming. When Johnny and Chittaphon finally started dating, only Taeyong could see how much Taeil was seething in anger. Eventually, Taeyong realized that the only thing he could do was stay out of it and hope he wasn’t pulled down alongside him.

Along with Taeil’s issues, Taeyong was also starting to have his own issues. His relationship with Yoonoh and Dongyoung was far too real to be appropriate. He began to actually care about them, and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to put ASAHE above them.

2016

Taeyong was walking by a practice room one day when he heard Taeil from the inside. He stopped to listen.

“... you’re in a relationship with Johnny, but I feel like what we have is special too.” Taeyong couldn’t believe that Taeil had taken it this far. “I want to be in a relationship with you… I love you.” Taeyong cringed. 

“I’m glad that you could tell me how you feel, but I only see you as a friend. I’m sorry, but I really do believe Johnny is the person for me. I hope that this won’t change our relationship. I still care about you, really.” It was silent for a minute before Ten walked out. Taeyong waited for Ten to be well out of the way before walking in. 

He wished he hadn’t. 

Taeil exploded. He screamed. He threw stuff. He punched the mirror. Taeyong had never seen him act so irrationally.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WOULD CHOOSE THAT DUMBASS TREE OVER ME! I SWEAR TO GOD IF I EVER GET THE CHANCE TO SLIT HIS FUCKING THROAT RIGHT IN TEN’S FUCKING FACE, DAMN RIGHT, I’LL TAKE IT!” Taeyong could only sigh. Taeil had broken another rule.

2020

Taeyong and Taeil had actively been spies within SM for eight years now. Taeyong’s guilt was starting to eat him alive. He knew that, in a few years, ASAHE would send new spies to start kidnapping idols. He couldn’t stand the fact that any of the sixteen members of NCT could be subject to cruel experimentation. 

Taeyong watched as they all started laughing at some lame joke that Donghyuck had said. His heart ached… he couldn’t do this any longer. He walked over to Doyoung and whispered in his ear.

“I have something to tell you… alone.” Doyoung looked taken aback, but he followed Taeyong out of the room. 

“What the hell is this-” 

“Shhhh” Taeyong cut him off. “What I’m about to tell you, you can’t tell anyone else. Okay?” Doyoung looked scared.

“Okay?” Taeyong couldn’t believe he was about to do this. Was he really about to trade a lifetime of loyalty?

“I’m a spy.” Taeyong wasn’t sure what to expect but he definitely didn’t think that Doyoung would laugh.

“What kinda prank is this?” Taeyong shushed him again.

“I’m not joking. Taeil and I are both spies. We were raised as a spies in an organization called ASAHE. I am from the U.S.” Taeyong proceeded to speak a few lines of perfect English. Doyoung’s jaw dropped.

“You really prepared well for this prank.” Taeyong felt like he was losing his mind. How could he prove himself to Doyoung? He needed to take a risk.

“Come with me. I need to show you something.” Taeyong pulled Doyoung to the top floor of the SM building. “Okay. We have to be careful. I’m going to unlock this door, and then I’m going to hack into the system and connect to ASAHE’s. I’m only doing this because I need you to believe me.” Taeyong proceeded to do exactly as he said before quickly shutting it down and getting out. “Do you believe me now?” Doyoung still looked perplexed.

“I guess so.” Taeyong thanked the lords.

“I told you this because I wanted to tell you that my organization is going to start discreetly kidnapping idols for experimentation. That is the whole reason that I’m a spy here.” Doyoung stopped him.

“Excuse me!? You’ve been lying to us for years, so some organization could kidnap and experiment on us?! WHAT THE FUCK?!” Taeyong begged him to stay quiet.

“I’m so sorry. I’m in such a dangerous situation, and I’ll probably be killed for this if it comes out, but I felt so bad about it that I wanted to warn you now.” Doyoung was clearly angry.

“Go on. How are you going to fix this?” Taeyong’s heart was breaking.

“I don’t actually have any authority. All I can think to do right now is warn everyone, but I’m still trying to find a better solution. I technically still have until 2022, so I want to make a plan that will be the best for everyone. Can you please be patient with me?” Doyoung huffed and barely nodded his head before walking off.

One week later

It was a normal day, and NCT 127 were practicing their new song, while the rest of NCT were scattered around the building doing whatever happened to be on their schedules. In the middle of the song, the boys were stopped abruptly by the sound of gunshots and screams coming from one of the lower floors. Taeyong was frozen. Was this what he thought it was? Was ASAHE here? Right now? They would never be this reckless, and it was two years too soon. What was going on? Johnny ran out of the room, and everyone else was thrown into panic. Doyoung came up behind Taeyong and whispered in his ear.

“I need to talk to you, right now.” Doyoung pulled him to the corner in panic. Tears were in his eyes. “I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. I thought that I could take matters into my own hands.” Taeyong couldn’t believe it.

“Doyoung, I need you tell me exactly what you did.”

“The day that you hacked into the system, I watched you. When you said that you didn’t have a plan, I tried to hack in myself, but something went wrong, and there was an alarm, so I closed it and ran away, and I thought that I would be okay, but now they’re here, and it’s all my fault.” Doyoung kept rambling on through his sobs, but Taeyong completely understood. After Doyoung’s unauthorized breach, they must have freaked out and thought there was a serious leak. Taeyong knew exactly what they were thinking: Fuck this! It’s now or never.

Taeyong wanted to cry. He knew that they would track the leak down to him or Taeil. He knew that he had no chance of surviving this. He hugged the still-rambling Doyoung and whispered in his hair.

“Know that I’m sorry, but please don’t let the others know what I was. Please, let them remember me fondly.” Taeyong paused as he let a tear drop down his cheek. “Please… take care of them.” Taeyong walked through the comotion to Taeil, who looked more confused than anyone else.

“Taeyong, what the hell is-” Taeyong cut him off.

“I’m so sorry.”

At this point, there were men in the room, grabbing and knocking out the boys. More tears spilled out of Taeyong’s eyes as he followed them out the door and down the stairs.

“STOP, YOU CAN’T TAKE THEM!” One man merely shot him in the stomach, and he fell to the floor. He could hear the boys scream and cry. Taeyong desperately wanted to hold them in his arms and tell them that it was all a nightmare, but he was slowly losing consciousness. 

I’m so sorry. Taeyong’s eyes fluttered shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the ending cleared up everything else. If you're still confused, feel free to ask me anything (there's also a fine possibility that there are plot holes, so tell me if you find any). I don't know anything about hacking btw. I just made stuff up that was convenient for the plot.


End file.
